Bampira Ako

Catharsis #6 : Heartbreak

2012-01-27T17:16:00.001+08:00

Someone broke my heart two years ago.
Of all the men that I've met, he broke my heart the most.
He left without even saying goodbye.
He left just like that.

But I know that he is fine, wherever he is.
Because I saw him, in my dreams.
He looked happy and well.
He waved at me and smiled.

I am happy too.
But I can't help but shed a tear when I have thoughts of him.
I see him in little things.
I feel him as if he never left.

I know that he loves me still.
Because he left me...
Not because he wanted to.
It's just that he had to.

I guess this is the kind of heartbreak that will never go away.
Never. Ever.
But this is also the heartbreak that I will always welcome.
These are the tears that will never leave my eyes.

Because I will always welcome thoughts of him.
I want to always remember.
I never will forget.
Because he is my father.

I miss you, daddy!

Jan 23, 2012
Daddy's second year death anniversary

Borrowed moves

2012-01-21T16:27:00.002+08:00

Just shoot for the stars if it feels right
Then aim for my heart, if you feel like
And take me away
And make it okay

21 January 2012
I love you, sabado
Lad Prao Soi 1

Timba

2012-01-13T17:29:00.002+08:00

My bucket list:

1. Learn how to swim
2. Visit Egypt
3. Visit Mt Vesuvius
4. Visit ALL the provinces of the Philippines
5. Sing in a lounge bar
6. Dive
7. Visit Taj Mahal

My bucket list... For now...

5:35pm
13 January 2012, Friday
Cafe Mo
Teacher's Village, QC

2012

2012-01-05T22:18:00.002+08:00

New year
New chapters
New pages

Moving on
Forgetting
Forgiving

Sunshines
Fresh
Rainbows

Changes
Endings
Beginnings

Refurbish
Revamp
Rebirth

Six

2011-12-11T18:22:00.003+08:00

Missing you, and what could've been.

6 word poetry
6:25pm
11 December 2011
Sunday
My shoebox

Be careful what you wish for

2011-12-05T21:29:00.002+08:00

I've always wanted to travel since I was a child.

And I got this wish.

My job requires me to travel at least once per month. Sometimes, I get back from the airport, switch luggages, and leave the next morning.

My favorite tambayan (hang out place) lately is yes, you've guessed it right... The airport.

I am literally living in a suitcase. ABB as one friend would say... Ang Bahay ay ang Bag (my house is my luggage).

I should be happy and thankful that I get to travel, that I get to see a lot of places, meet a lot of people and taste lots of unique food from all over. But i just get so tired. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I just wish I have more time to rest and settle down. To gather some moss.

9:40pm
05 December 2011
Monday
Butuan City

Fate

2011-11-20T23:08:00.001+08:00

my six words...

We meet again... maybe it's destiny.

10:10pm
20 Nov 2011
Sunday
Ladprao

But I think I know you

2011-11-14T18:49:00.002+08:00

But I think I know you

I know that you don’t smoke
I know which countries you have been to
I know you speak some languages
I know that you drive
I know you write letters
I know that you think you can dance… even if you can’t
I know that you like to read
Because I have met you.

I know that you know me, too
You know what records I listen to
And you know how I sleep, and that sometimes, I find it hard to sleep
I know that you know that I will walk your way… as long as I’m with you
And by now, you have to know…
That I don’t fall that easily… not at all.

*this is inspired by Lisa Hannigan's song (I Don't Know)

06:45pm
14 November 2011
Monday
My Shoebox, Gotham

The Familiar

2011-10-21T19:12:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, things are better...

Nostalgic, rather than current

Old, rather than futuristic

Rustic, rather than polished

Stained, rather than spotless

Aged and used, rather than brand new

Natural, rather than artificial

Familiar, rather than cutting-edge

Such is the 70s Bistro in Quezon City.

It was once a haven for UP students, activists, NGO workers, artists, poets, musicians, and the "unpolished". It can be best described as musty, stuffy, old, dark, dirty... in short, "dugyot". But this is where it gets its charm and character.

Now that it's been renovated and cleaned and polished... it suddenly became one of those bars, not the Bistro we used to love.

Sad. Sad. Sad.

7:25pm
21 October 2011
Friday
Kyusi

Wish

2011-10-15T16:39:00.002+08:00

6 word-wishes

maybe it's time for a sabbatical

i need a blue sky holiday

i badly need some me time

4:45pm
15 October
Saturday
Cablelandia

Mansanas

2011-10-09T21:37:00.002+08:00

iEve

iBite

iWantMore

iBuy

iHappy

9:40pm
09 October
Sunday
Fairview
(back in my shoebox after 3 weeks of travel)

aftertaste

2011-08-30T18:06:00.002+08:00

i sometimes liken love to wine... it will make you giddy, happy, fuzzy.

too little, and you will find yourself craving for more. too much and you might find yourself losing time, missing out or having a really bad hangover.

what i like most about wine is that it has a very distinct aftertaste. it can either be bitter, persistent, short, sweet, smooth, or even non-existent.

and like wine... love will leave a distinct aftertaste -- bitter or sweet -- which will depend on how you savor the love that you had.

*inspiration for this piece is Damien Rice's Cannonball... "there's a little bit of your taste in my mouth"... *

06:25 om
20 Aug 2011
Tuesday
Cablelandia

High

2011-08-18T22:59:00.002+08:00

I'm on a high today. Since this morning, until this time at night (10pm).

And i am attributing this to the fact that i did Zumba this morning for 15 minutes. Hence, the upbeat mode.

So starting tomorrow, i vow to do my morning exercises, for at least 10 minutes daily.

And as i write that resolve, i've finished the 20th piece of Flat Tops (from tindahan ni Aling Nena) for the day.

Hmmm... come to think of it, maybe it was Flat Tops and not Zumba after all.

Sigh.

10:05pm
18 Aug 2011
Thursday
Lad Prao Soi 1

photo credit: internet

be careful what you wish for

2011-07-24T17:20:00.003+08:00

a lot of people have cautioned me... "be careful what you wish for"... because it just might come true.

for some reason, i don't fully understand why we have to be cautious in hoping for thing we want to have, or events we want to happen. we WANT it to happen, that's why we wish for it.

and from what i know, human beings will only want good things... happy things... things and events which will satisfy our insatiable wants and needs. so why worry? why be cautious? just don't wish for too much drama.

i say... wish for the star, dream big, aim high.

and oh... i was granted one wish... will be based in the Philippines for a couple of months. sweet! thanks for the pixies, Universe :)

4:25pm
24 July 2011
Sunday
Chiang Mai, Thailand

Saturday Night Fever

2011-07-09T22:33:00.002+08:00

Satellite tv

Wifi connection

Skype with Summer and Red

Moo yang and sticky rice

Mangosteen

Sketching session

9:40pm
09 July 2011
Saturday
Lad Prao Soi 1

where?

2011-06-21T21:01:00.001+08:00

6 word entry:

"my life: neither here nor there"

9:05pm
tues
21 June 2011
my shoebox
gotham

Should I cry when you die?

2011-06-16T01:03:00.003+08:00

*another free-writing exercise. i'm still deciding if this is a poem, or a simple blog entry. heniweys...*

Should I cry when you die?

Should I cry
When you die?

Should I shed tears...
Real tears?

When all we had was fleeting...
Temporal and almost imaginary

Like a dream
That I desperately want to recall
As soon as I open my eyes

I think I felt your lips touch mine
But somehow I cannot trust my memory

Did I just want it bad enough
To actually happen

That the crevices in my brain
Decided to store this picture
As part of my reality

When does reality end...
And when does imagination begin?

So when you die
Should I grieve like we had a connection?

Or should I just feign indifference
And forget how in my memory
I felt the warmth of your breath
Against my face

Should I grieve for that fleeting moment
When I felt your heartbeat against my chest

When during that particular moment in time...
I felt that there is an 'us'

Maybe it was all in my head
So if grieve I must
It must be like that kiss
Fleeting, temporal, almost imaginary

Is it just Fata morgana?
They say that when you look into the horizon long enough
You will see images

But is this just that?
Fata Morgana
To drown me
And lure me to my own death?

Reality is relative they say.
Maybe in the future
Reality would prove me wrong

Much like the fact
That Pluto is not a planet
Or that there are 4 states of matter
Or that the earth is round

Maybe someday
Time would finally prove
That there was an 'us'

Yes
I think I will cry
When you die

I will shed real tears
For that version of reality
Which I remembered

It's my reality
My tears
So I will cry
When you die

16 June 2011
1:15am
Thursday
Gotham

37

2011-05-22T23:37:00.001+08:00

37 is a special number for me.

i am now 37 years old.

it is said that 37 is the commonly accepted average core body temperature (taken internally) -- 37.0 °C. this must mean something good, right? not too hot, not too cold... just right... exactly what Goldilocks thought of Baby Bear's porridge... it's right for the eating.

it is also said that there are 37 holes in the mouthpiece of the old telephone unit, just the right number for the person at the other end to hear you speak. there are also 37 bars in the digits of a digital watch, just enough for us to tell the time.

so this year must be just that for me... JUST RIGHT.

just right -- to let go of the old and make way for the new.

just right -- to feel the highs as well as the lows.

just right -- to see the light, without being blinded.

just right -- to appreciate the rainbow after a heavy downpour

just right -- to feel comfortable in the dark, while waiting for that faint flicker of light

just right -- to prepare for the worst, while hoping for the best

just right -- to taste the bitter, to appreciate the sweetness of life

just right -- to know and pursue battles which i can win, and walk away from those that i can't

just right -- to take on big challenges, while not forgetting life simple pleasures

just right -- to enjoy solitude, while not being too comfortable with it

just right -- to play fair.. love light... live life.

thank you for being part of my life for the past 36 years.

this day starts another fabulous year for me. i invite you to join my journey :)

Suspended

2011-05-08T20:16:00.003+08:00

As soon as the plane takes off from the runway... i feel my life go on pause.

The flight, however short it may be, becomes a break for me... a break from my life.

Just as the plane is suspended in mid-air, my life takes on a state of suspension -- nothing happens, at least during the duration of the flight. I don't make any decisions. I don't interact with anyone (i don't make small talk with my fellow passengers). I don't need to work. I don't need to worry about anything. My life simply takes a standstill.

These "short breaks" from my life helps me keep my sanity. It gives me a rest from life's daily grind.

It's another world altogether when i'm up there. A world which is not necessarily better, but just different... very different.

08:15pm
08 May 2011
Sunday
My Shoebox

confession

2011-03-15T23:36:00.005+08:00

i love the way you remember the small details about me...

i love how you play the guitar quietly, without being a show-off...

i love that you love to write... so simply, so eloquently...

i love the fact that like me, you love good music...

i love that you were born with an artist's hand...

i love that you and i share the same hobby, the same passion...

i love that you care about people -- their rights and their lives...

i love how confidently you speak in front of people...

i love how you make me, and others, laugh...

i love how you brushed your lips against my forehead, and whispered something inaudible... when you thought that i couldn't hear...

i love that we use the same expressions...

i love how you visit my dreams, and make my nights feel warm...

i love how you made me feel special... at that particular moment...

and how i would love to go back to that time... again... and again... and again...

10:45pm
15 March 2011
Tuesday
Ladprao
(on a rainy night)

telepono at lovelife

2011-03-09T12:43:00.002+08:00

ang lovelife, parang phone call.

minsan, short and sweet -- hello and goodbye.

minsan naman, parang dropped call -- biglang naglalaho parang bula, leaving you in limbo.

minsan pangit ang signal -- madaming issues at miscommunication.

minsan, parang unlimited call -- pangmatagalan... swerte ka pag nagkataon. pero delikado din, lalo na pag boring ang conversation.

minsan naman, parang missed call -- samakatuwid... paasa lang. lintek!

minsan din, parang booty call -- alam mong pampalipas oras lang.

pero malas ka, kung hindi phonecall, at text lang -- matipid, malabo, non-commital. parang yung kahaba-haba ng sinabi mo... tapos ang sagot lang ay... "k". at wala man lang smiley face.

11:25am
09 March 2011
Fairyland

Travel

2011-03-06T17:08:00.002+08:00

I badly need some rest. I've been travelling for the past 2 weeks, and it's not fun.

I used to get very excited with travel opportunities. Heck, riding on airplanes and staying in airports used to give me a certain kind of high. Now, I just feel tired.

Can't wait for my one-week leave.

4:10pm
06 March 2011
Sunday
Phnom Penh, Cambodia

love poem

2011-02-26T21:13:00.001+08:00

IF I WAS A LOVE POET

I want you to bite my lips until I can no longer speak,

and then suck my ex-girlfriend’s name out of my mouth just to make sure that she never comes up in our conversations.

I’m gonna be honest;

I’m not really a love poet.

In fact every time I try to write about love,

my hands cramp,

just to show me how painful love can be.

Sometimes my pencils break,

just to prove to me that every now and then love-

takes a little bit more work than you planned.

See, I heard that love is blind,

so I write all my poems in Braille.

And my poems are never actually finished because true love is endless.

See, I always believe that real love is kind of like a supermodel before she’s airbrushed.

It’s pure,

and imperfect,

just the way that God intended.

I’m gonna be honest;

I’m not a love poet.

But if I was to wake up tomorrow morning and decide that I really wanted to write about love… I swear that my first poem-

it would be about you.

About how I love you the same way that I learned how to ride a bike:

Scared.

But reckless.

With no training wheels, or elbow pads, so my scars can tell the story of how I fell for you.

You see, I’m not really a love poet.

But if I was,

I’d write about how I see your face in every cloud and your reflection in every window.

You see, I’ve written like a million poems hoping that somehow,

maybe some way you’ll jump out of the page and be closer to me because if you were here,

right now,

I would massage your back until your skin sings songs that your lips don’t even know the words.

Until your heartbeat sounds like my last name,

and you smile like the Pacific Ocean-

I want to drink the sunlight in your skin.

If I was a love poet,

I’d write about how you have the audacity to be beautiful,

even on days when everything around you is ugly.

You see, I’d write about your eyelashes and how they’re like violin strings that play symphonies every time you blink.

If I was a love poet,

I’d write about how I melt in front of you like an ice sculpture every time I hear the vibration in your voice.

And whenever I see your name on the caller ID, my heart-

it plays hopscotch inside of my chest.

It climbs on to my ribs like monkey bars and I feel like a child all over again.

I know this sounds strange but every now and then,

I pray that God somehow turns you back into one of my ribs just so I would never have to spend an entire day without you.

But I swear,

I’m not a love poet.

But if I was to wake up tomorrow morning,

and decide that I really wanted to write about love,

you’re my first poem; it would be about you.

Now, after all of that, she was like,

“So how do you feel about me?”

And I said,

“Let’s put it like this:

I want to be your ex-boyfriend’s stuntman.

I want to do everything that he never had the courage to do, like-

trust you.

I swear that when our lips touch,

I can taste the next sixty years of my life.

And some days I want to swallow stacks of your pictures just (so) you can be part of me a bit longer.

If I could,

I would sample your smile,

and then I would let my heartbeat do the bass line.

We would create the greatest love song of all time.

Whenever we stand next to each other-

love, I was the only one made for you,

and you-

can be at last, my Etta James.

I’ll be all child when you’re in pain.

Or you can be candy-coated drops of rain even though it never rains in Southern California.

And together,

we could be music.

And when my friends ask if you’re my girlfriend,

I’ll say,

NO.

She is my musician.

And me…

I’m her favorite song.”

IF I WAS A LOVE POET

by Rudy Francisco

==========

new addition to my Bahasa vocabulary:
malu = torpe

==========

pizza on a rainy saturday night
8:15pm
26 February, 2011
Menteng, Jakarta, Indonesia

Midlife

2011-02-02T18:34:00.002+08:00

I wonder... is there such a thing as a midlife-crisis?

I mean... when do you know what you are actually living half of your life?

And is it really a crisis?

Isn't it that our lives are defined by the choices that we do. So why should we go through all these introspection, when in fact, this exercise should have been used in each and every thing that we do?

Will everyone go through this phase? SHOULD everyone go through this?

Hmmmm... ano sa tingin mo?

5:50pm
02 Feb 2011
Wednesday
Bangkok
(with Chippy Red... heaven!)

January is a bad month

2011-01-14T19:37:00.002+08:00

i just realized, all my kurowt-kirowt moments are always in january:

January 2005 - Dahil kay K
January 2007 - Dahil kay B
January 2009 - Dahil kay T
January 2011 - Dahil kay M

next year, this will all change. January will be a good month for me.

6:45pm
14 January 2011
Friday
Phnom Penh, Cambodia

Toast

2010-12-16T23:05:00.002+08:00

(free writing)

*this is my wish for 2 good friends who are about to tie the knot*

again, congratulations to the both of you! i am so glad i am here now, making this wish for you.

flashback to 2 years ago... things were very different.

it was in December 2008 when they were introduced... Henry's Grill in Teacher's Village. then next in Trellis Resto also in Teacher's Village.

it was in Trellis that i felt that there was sumthin sumthin between them. she was fidgety and he was more than friendly. hmmm...

when he left, i remember her saying... "How nice it would be to hug someone". i thought... yun na yun!

then he became more visible in our gimicks and activities, after having been almost unreachable for 2 years!

he started giving out home-made yoghurts...

we are suddenly invited to a lot of dinners and coffees and shoots...

they suddenly both had suncellular phones...

we were like watching a telenovela unfold right before our eyes... over pasta and adobo... over wine and cheese... over beer and sisig.

she used to tell me that she is afraid to jump (into the relationship). she cannot simply follow her mentor's advice to "Lundagin mo, baby". she said that she's afraid to jump, because there might be no one to catch her when she falls.

you should not be afraid now. you can jump as high as you can, with eyes closed or with eyes wide open. you don't have to look for someone to catch you. because now, you both have each other, to hold hands, while going for the jump.

so for you both...

May you experience passion beyond your wildest imagination.

May you continue to find love for each other in places that astound you.

May you go barefoot more than you wear shoes.

May you laugh harder than you cry.

May you discover more happy corners together.

May you never, ever stop dreaming... loving.. jumping.

congratulations again!

jump!... lagto!... lumpat!... lundag!

Taguan

2010-12-11T01:55:00.001+08:00

Olly olly oxen free...

11:30pm
Friday
10 December 2010
Human Rights Day
Dharamshala, India

bato

2010-11-22T21:47:00.001+08:00

para sa iyo, Nonoy...

bato ka nang bato... baka tamaan ako...

bughaw

2010-11-08T20:22:00.000+08:00

and i ask you...

what do you do when you got the blues?

la dolce far niente

2010-10-31T15:00:00.001+08:00

note:
this is a letter sent to my Dyosas (a group of empowered, wonderful, phenomenal women)

la dolce far niente.

i haven't done this for the longest time.

i saw Eat Pray Love last night. i realized that i've taken for granted life's simples pleasures for too long -- just lying on my bed, listening to soothing music, eating lazily and slowly, people watching, engaging in talks about life and existence.

i'm like a stone on a constant roll. i think it's time to gather some moss.

if i'm not working hard, i'm usually partying hard.

now i'm ready... for lafang, luhod, landi (Girard's version of Eat Pray Love).

it's a sunday today.

i'm on the daybed, listening to Up Dharma Down, sipping white coffee from Penang, reading the lifestyle section of the Bangkok Post, checking ONLY my personal mails and social networking sites.

i can say that i've found my balance -- between working and playing. now, i'm ready to lose that balance. Ds, i guess it's time to cross over, to gather some moss, to toss up your heart, and just see where it lands. (well, i guess Mai and Imee will be doing this soon).

happy sunday, Ds! enjoy la dolce far niente :)

31 October 2010
Sunday
Lad Prao Soi 1

Of loving and flying

2010-10-29T00:18:00.004+08:00

Seen from a friend's Facebook status:

Love, is a lot like airports. Its characterized by arrivals and departures. But for the most part, its about waiting. What matters is what we do in between.
- Ramille Andag

Photo:
Suvarnabhumi Airport
Bangkok

Never Bored

2010-10-20T21:42:00.005+08:00

I wonder how some people can get bored with their lives.

I never get bored.

In fact, I feel that there's so many things that I want to do (read books, watch movies, sketch, read photography articles), but can't... because there's simply not enough time.

With work, frequent travels, Thai language class, social networking sites (Facebook and Twitter), maintenance of Kiddie Toes Montessori School's website, meeting and talking to friends... my life is sooo full!

I always find myself needing more hours in a day, that I had to make a daily schedule (and yes, that's the OC in me). In fact, my friends tease me for having this hourly schedule and alarm... they say I need to schedule even when I breathe. I just find a great deal of satisfaction when at the end of the day, I see that I've crossed out almost all of the things in my "To Do List".

So what's the point in this ranting? I will never understand how people can get bored in their lives. There's just too many things to discover, too many places to see, and too many experiences to try.

Simply put... there's not enough time.

8:40pm
20 October 2010
Wednesday
Lad Prao Soi 1
Fairyland

Tamad

2010-10-10T18:36:00.003+08:00

Tamad... Lazy...

That's what I have been for the past months. The last piece I wrote was my necrological speech for Daddy. That was 9 months ago! What's wrong with me?

I can't say that I have nothing to talk about, because since then, I've got my passport stamped 18 times.

I can't say that I haven't met new friends because I've met more than 20 new friends since then.

I can't say that I haven't experienced new unforgettable things. On the contrary, I've visited my family and friends in Seattle...met US Senator Nancy Pelosi... experienced the pain of Indonesian Kerokan... partied in a gay pub... got fondled by a gay guy... tasted fried flowers... walked with the Red Shirt rallyists... had a picture with one of the Red Shirt leaders... enrolled in Thai language class... went to a male show in Silom... experienced 2 weeks of curfew in Bkk... spent my bday in a really expensive bar overlooking Bkk and wearing a really nice dress... met a Cambodian cab driver in DC who lived in Palawan as a refugee... visited the Killing Fields... and so much more!

My life is so full.

Maybe it's so full that I don't know how to put all these experiences into writing.

So I will need to muster enough inspiration to write... write... and write some more. But in the meantime, I invite you visit my Facebook site and my Flickr site.

5:55pm
10 October 2010
Sunday
Lad Prao Soi 1

Notes for Daddy

2010-09-28T18:18:00.000+08:00

I was able to get into Daddy's yahoo and facebook account. I kept browsing his inbox hoping to find something, anything which will remind me of him when he was still alive.

And I found these two messages from his younger sisters:

FROM EVA
Subject: Manong Emmong

I was shocked when we heard the sad news, I told Myrna, and Nora right away and they were speechless. Our favorite brother is gone...forever but you will always be in our hearts.You talked to each one of us on New Year's Eve, that's was a long talked, the first time you did, your voice seemed very strong and well, yun pala yun na ang last na pag-uusap natin.You were Inang's favorite of all the 7 siblings because you were so sickly when you were young but we did not get jealous, instead we spoiled you and gave you all the love. Imagine growing up with 4 sisters! That was fun di ba? You were always nice and kind to us very soft spoken, funny and you always help us in our math homeworks, because you're the best in math.I remember when u came to visit us here in Los Angeles, Nora and Myrna were so excited. We showed you around and everyday we were very hospitable enough to show you all the nice places here. We knew you were very tired but very happy because at least you were with your three younger sisters again. That was a short visit and memorable. Manong Guilly, wherever you are, we love you so much and still the favorite brother. You will be missed.

Your ading,
Eva

FROM MYRNA
Subject: for you

"For my brother EMMONG, you were a very good person inside and out, loved by a lot of peaple. you will be missed by the whole family I want to say i love you, and i know that you are now in the good hands of GOD our creator. missing you,

from your sister
myrna

My new favorite quote

2010-09-14T22:18:00.002+08:00

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny

(Mao Zedong)

Cable-landia
14 Sept

Muse

2010-09-08T19:36:00.001+08:00

here i am...

still looking for my muse...

i think i saw him...

but am i his?

7:45pm
08 September, 2010
Wednesday
My shoebox , Sunny Villas

Home

2010-08-22T23:18:00.002+08:00

I.
Want.
To.
Go.
Home.
Now!

10:20pm
22 Aug
Sunday
Ladprao Soi 1

photo source: internet

Tired

2010-08-15T18:06:00.002+08:00

I'm beyond tired.

I'm exhausted, fatigued, weary, sleepy...

I want to sleep... to hibernate

5:10pm
15 Aug 2010
Sunday
Lad Prao Soi 1

Juicy

2010-08-03T22:03:00.001+08:00

Times like these, i need a Juicy...

In the meantime

2010-07-28T01:06:00.002+08:00

What do you do...

While you're in the meantime?

When you are in between?

While you are in transit?

What do you do?

12:10am
28 July 2010
Wednesday
Chiang Mai

Call

2010-07-18T22:59:00.002+08:00

Call me when you get this...

How does it feel being in these arms?
what's it really like to be loved?
i've been alone now, how long?
have you ever loved the way that i have?
and i have often wondered who,
who could love you the way i do?

now i just want you to know, how i'm touched deep in my soul just being with you.
and i need you more each day.
baby, if you're still awake,
call me when you get this.

i've got all this poetry now i didn't know then.
i kept inside. guess i had never seen anything beautiful
till i first saw you asleep at night.
and i have often wondered who,
who could love you the way i do?

now i just want you to know,
how i'm touched deep in my soul
just being with you.
and i need you more each day.
baby, if you're still awake,
call me when you get this.

i just wanted to know what it was like, what's it really like to be loved?
these little volcanoes came as a surprise to me.
i never thought i could be this way.
and i have been cautious and i've tried to keep to myself, but who could love you the way i do?

now i just want you to know, how i'm touched deep in my soul.
just being with you.
so much more each day,
baby, if you're still awake,
call me when you get this

Rain

2010-07-14T07:13:00.002+08:00

I ask...
Is there a pot of gold?

But more importantly...
Will there ever be a rainbow?

10:15pm
13 July 2010
Tuesday
In transit to Cable-landia

Hope

2010-06-30T20:28:00.002+08:00

Today, i am hopeful.

Today, something tugged my heart.

Today, a song gave me goosebumps.

Today, i shed a tear while singing.

Today, i vowed to be more vigilant.

Today, my hatred for injustice became greater.

Today, i committed to do my part.

Today, i felt how it is to be a Filipino.

Today feels like a new day.

8:35pm
30 June 2010
Wednesday
My Shoebox, Gotham

THE GREATEST ADVICE

2010-06-23T23:22:00.003+08:00

By Rick Warren, the Purpose Driven Life

Don’t date because you are desperate.

Don’t marry because you are miserable.

Don’t have kids because you think your genes are superior.

Don’t philander because you think you are irresistible.

Don’t associate with people you can’t trust.

Don’t cheat. Don’t lie. Don’t pretend.

Don’t dictate because you are smarter.

Don’t demand because you are stronger.

Don’t sleep around because you think you are old enough & know better.

Don’t sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.

Don’t stagnate!

Don’t regress.

Don’t live in the past. Time can’t bring anything or anyone back.

Don’t put your life on hold for possibly Mr. Right.

Don’t throw your life away on absolutely Mr. Wrong because your
biological clock is ticking.

Learn a new skill.

Find a new friend.

Start a new career.

Sometimes, there is no race to be won, only a price to be paid for some of life’s more hasty decisions.

To make yourself happy, pursue your passions & be the best of what you can be.

Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.

Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and dangerous liaisons.

Don’t abandon your responsibilities but don’t overdose on duty.

Don’t live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.

Be true to yourself.

Don’t commit when you are not ready.

Don’t keep others waiting needlessly.

Go on that trip. Don’t postpone it.

Say those words. Don’t let the moment pass.

Do what you have to, even at society’s scorn.

Write poetry.

Love Deeply.

Walk barefoot.

Dance with wild abandon.

Cry at the movies.

Take care of yourself. Don’t wait for someone to take care of you.

You light up your life.

You drive yourself to your destination.

No one completes you – except YOU.

It isn’t true that life does not get easier with age.

It only gets more challenging.

Don’t be afraid. Don’t lose your capacity to love.

Pursue your passions.

Live your dreams.

Don’t lose faith in God.

Don’t grow old. Just grow YOU!

When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you’ll never get back.

Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give to someone is your time.

Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E because the essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves

23 June 2010
Cable-landia

Happiness

2010-06-10T22:55:00.003+08:00

I found a definition of happiness which i really liked...

"Happiness is love, laughter, friendship, purpose and a dance..."

(S. Booth -- Bones)

photo credit: internet

Just for Today

2010-06-03T23:48:00.002+08:00

Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once.

Just for today I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires, I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.

Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

Just for today I won't find fault with anything, nor try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.

Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself, and relax.

Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

Author Unknown

Forever 21

2010-05-27T20:19:00.001+08:00

"I'm not 36... i'm just 21 with 15 years of experience"

22 May 2010
Saturday
Skybar @ Lebua
fantabulous Bangkok

Pula

2010-05-20T16:56:00.002+08:00

"Land of smiles... no smiles today"

20 May 2010
Thursday
Lad Prao, Soi 1
Bangkok

One

2010-05-14T11:56:00.002+08:00

My 6-word entry for the day:
"Give me one reason to stay"

*this is inspired by this song*

GIVE ME ONE REASON TO STAY HERE
By Tracy Chapman
Watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2kEx5BLoC4

Give me one reason to stay here - and I'll turn right back around
Give me one reason to stay here - and I'll turn right back around
Said I don't want leave you lonely
You got to make me change my mind

Baby I got your number and I know that you got mine
But you know that I called you, I called too many times
You can call me baby, you can call me anytime
But you got to call me

Give me one reason to stay here - and I'll turn right back around
Give me one reason to stay here - and I'll turn right back around
Said I don't want leave you lonely
You got to make me change my mind

I don't want no one to squeeze me - they might take away my life
I don't want no one to squeeze me - they might take away my life
I just want someone to hold me and rock me through the night

This youthful heart can love you yes and give you what you need
I said this youthful heart can love you and give you what you need
But I'm too old to go chasing you around
Wasting my precious energy

Give me one reason to stay here - and I'll turn right back around
Give me one reason to stay here - and I'll turn right back around
Said, I don't want leave you lonely
You got to make me change my mind

Baby just give me one reason - Give me just one reason why
Baby just give me one reason - Give me just one reason why I should stay
Said I told you that I loved you
And there ain't no more to say

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/t/tracy+chapman/#share

Batavia

2010-05-08T12:17:00.000+08:00

My Friday afternoon:

Meeting with NGOs...
Hot humid day...
Christian Bautista on the radio...

So what’s the difference?

Meeting with NGOs... In Bahasa Indonesia
Hot humid day... With the smell of Kretek
Christian Bautista on the radio... On Indonesian airwaves

07 May 2010
Friday
Jakarta

Sleepless

2010-05-01T17:26:00.003+08:00

I am definitely sleepless in Seattle

2:30am
01 May
Saturday
Kent, Washington

heron

2010-04-24T11:28:00.001+08:00

A carabao you will never be.

*this is for you, diva*

DC

2010-04-17T10:55:00.003+08:00

DC trip: all work, no play.

Friday night... chinese take out... sigh...

11:00pm
16 April 2010
Friday
Arlington County, Virginia

Transit

2010-04-10T22:11:00.001+08:00

6 word entry:

My life is always in transit.

9:10 pm
10 April, 2010
Saturday
Bangkok

Easter

2010-04-04T21:37:00.002+08:00

Lazy morning at Frangipani...
Lunch with a friend at a Khmer resto...
Shopping at the Russian Market...
Authentic Khmer massage...
Chips and feel-good movie at the hotel...
A surprise in Facebook :)

Priceless!

09:35pm
04 April 2010
Sunday
Frangipani Villas
Phnom Penh

In Transit Notes: Shoes

2010-03-29T08:14:00.001+08:00

Overheard from 2 female airport ground crew:

Woman 1: Bago ang shoes ko

Woman 2: Wow, oo nga no? Ang dami mo nang shoes, tama na!

W1: Oo parang yung madaming sapatos... si Imee ba yun?

W2: Si Imelda.

What the?!... And these 2 are not even that young! (mid 20s maybe). A proof that people are either apathetic or very very forgetful.

*salamat, for lending your feet, Hamsy*

8:10am
29 March 2010
Monday
NAIA Terminal 2

Neruda

2010-03-20T21:18:00.002+08:00

my 6 word blog:

"Tonight, I write the saddest line"

Photo from:
www.designyourway.net

Enough!

2010-03-14T23:18:00.003+08:00

"Just say no... before he kills"

Catharsis 4: Agua

2010-03-05T21:44:00.001+08:00

Note:
This is not a political piece (although my political biases would show). This is the sentiment of a daughter who has recently lost a father. This is how I felt one night during my father’s wake services.

There are a lot of people tonight, maybe double the number from last night.

Maybe because of the tears blurring my vision, or the lack of sleep, or weariness from so many days of crying and thinking… I couldn’t make out the people’s faces.

I see lips moving… I hear consoling words… I feel hugs and pats on the back… but somehow, it feels like a dream.

I look at my mother, and see that she is silently crying. I remember the doctor’s advise to keep her hydrated. So I tell my cousins to bring water.

And they brought her water. A bottle of mineral water. My cousins said it was a gift, a donation. 2 boxes of bottled water.

But my mother refuses to drink. She even refuses to take the bottle of water. She said, “Ayoko nyan”. Confusion sets it. I look at her and I look at the bottle of water. Now, I completely understand.

Catharsis 3: How are you?

2010-02-26T17:09:00.001+08:00

“How are you?”

That’s the question I usually get nowadays. And I honestly don’t know how to answer that. I don’t know what kind of answer is expected – “I am sad”?… “I am fine”?… “No comment?”

I know that my dear friends do not really expect an answer, and that they just want to show their sympathy, empathy and love. But that question really made me think… how am I doing now?

The truth is… I am not depressed… but I am not happy either. I won’t say that I was devastated with my father’s passing. But I feel this deep sense of sadness every time I remember him. This longing makes me cry at night, especially when I’m alone. It makes me cry when I read a consoling letter from friends, even from those who didn’t even know him. It makes me cry now, that I am writing about him.

I told a good friend that maybe I am not devastated because I didn’t have a lot issues about my father. We had a fairly normal and happy relationship – no frustrations, no regrets, no drama. There were not much thunder and lightning. It was mostly easy, peaceful and calm. There were a lot of fond memories with my father. And my 3-page eulogy for him did not do justice to how he was as a father.

I know that he has lived a very full life. And for 35 years of that life, he was a very good father to me. I couldn’t, and shouldn’t, ask for more. He has provided so many things, experiences and opportunities, that I am fine when he had to leave. What breaks my heart is the fact that my nieces could have seen more of their lolo. And that my own child/ren could have played with their lolo, and watched their lolo perform magic. I feel deep sadness everytime I am reminded that my mommy would now spend her days without daddy. I feel sad for those who did not know him and how special he was.

I am fine most of the time. He has brought me up to be someone strong enough to weather these kinds of situations. So there is really nothing to be sad about, except for the fact that I miss him sometimes. But as a friend said, it is the good kind of missing someone. He didn’t go because he wanted to leave us. It’s just that it was his time to go.

So when faced with the same question again, I will just say, “Ok lang”. And maybe add, “I cry, but my life goes on”.

(Eppie, when I read this piece again, I realized that I talked about him in the past tense. I guess that means that it has sunk it.)

Catharsis 2: Love Story

2010-02-20T14:42:00.001+08:00

I believe that my father and mother has one of the best love stories around. Just to give you a glimpse of their love for each other, please read below the transcript of daddy's one of many love letters to mommy. The picture above is the scanned copy of the actual love letter. Mommy kept it in her files after all these years.

Belated happy valentine's day!

==================================================

TRANSCRIPT OF GUILLY’S LOVE LETTER TO NORIE

La Salette of Aurora
Aurora Isabela
April 6, 1972

Minutes of the Norie-Emong Meeting

The meeting was held in the residence of Norie on April 5, 1972 at about 5:30pm. The agendum is “to be or not to be”. The meeting was chaired by Emong.

The chairman asked Norie whether she had read the love letter already. Norie answered, “Yes”, and even quoted the last but pertinent paragraph of the letter. The Chairman asked for further remarks but she said “No comment”. The body then proceeded to the division of the house but she couldn’t cast her vote. Because of this, the chairman got nervous. He doesn’t know what to do next. Yun pala ay kinakabahan din si Norie. Di din nya malaman ang kanyang gagawin. The air was somewhat tensed and filled with excitement. At last, the chairman asked her, “Di mo ba ako mahal?” She retorted, “Ano ba sa palagay mo?” The chairman answered that she loves him. At ganon nga palang talaga. So the two had arrived at a consensus that they are sweethearts. After a while, the two lovers were tongue-tied. All they can do is to exchange glances and smiles.

The meeting was adjourned at about 6:20pm but before they departed, the next meeting was fixed at 7:30pm of the same night.

Approved by:

(Sgd.) Guillermo M. Mercado
President Romeo

(Sgd.) Normita E. Pasion
Secretary Juliet

Copy furnished:
1. Emong
2. Norie

Catharsis 1: Strength

2010-02-08T20:43:00.001+08:00

“first, my prayers and condolences... i won't say that i know how it feels how to lose a father. and i know that i cannot do anything to make things easier.but i would like to thank you for sharing your thoughts. i hope that i can be as brave as you are. your piece really touched me. i couldn't stop crying. hugs to you.”

This was my private message to a friend when their family lost their father in mid January. I admired her for her strength – writing how she felt during their time of crisis. I saw a certain kind of fortitude that I wanted to have when the time comes. Never have I thought that only after less than 2 weeks, I would be in their shoes. Thank you for your courage in putting your feelings in paper.

It was somehow easier for me since I was away. The distance has kept me in a bubble, free from the worries back home. I never saw him in the hospital, I never saw him weak, I never saw him close his eyes for the last time, I never saw the medical staff attempt to revive him. My last memory of daddy is that he was still alive, albeit a bit weak, when I kissed him and told him that I was leaving for Manila.

I could not imagine how mommy and sister felt during that critical time. I never dared to ask. I don’t want to know… for now.

Another friend who also lost his father last year, told me about how difficult it was for him to see his father slowly succumbing to his illness. He told me how, being at his bedside, it pained him to see his father look at him, knowing that he has a few moments to live. I know it’s difficult for you to relieve that moment, but I thank you for sharing the pain that you felt. It somehow eased mine.

A lot of friends have shared their own struggles of how it is like to lose someone dear to you. Thank you for making me realize that I, too, will feel better soon.

I would like to thank you…
… for being with me at the airport during the darkest moment in my life
… for being the first faces I saw when I got back to the Philippines
… for taking care of things and informing friends of my father’s passing
… for being with me on the way home
… for sharing your stories and painful moments, remembering your own parent’s demise
… for being there. Thank you for showing up. Your presence was a pleasant surprise
… for giving your support, not just to me, but to my mother, my sister and the whole family
… for the messages, calls, hugs, squeeze in the hands
… for the flowers, food, cards and financial support
… for telling me what to do after this. Your words of advice are very valuable
… for making me laugh
… for sharing your stories about daddy
… for your affirmation that daddy is indeed special
… for your friendship
… for your strength… you inspire me

11:00am
08 February, 2010
Monday
Onboard SilkAir flight
from Phnom Penh to Singapore

Guillermo M. Mercado

2010-02-01T22:10:00.001+08:00

I would like to take this opportunity to introduce our daddy, Guillermo M. Mercado to everyone. You might have known him as an insurance agent, a teacher and an active member of various civic and religious organizations, but I am sure that there are so many things you don’t know about him.

As you all know, he is a very quiet and soft-spoken man – will not brag nor sing his own praises. So please allow me to speak lengthily about him, so you will know how special he really is.

Daddy is known as Emong to his parents, siblings, relatives and childhood friends. He is the 5th of 8 children. She was born in Malasin, San Jose, Nueva Ecija. In May of 2009, while we were going home to Isabela from Manila, he suddenly suggested to go around San Jose to look for their old house. I remember him telling us where he used to live and where his old school was, and reminisce about his childhood.

I also remember him always telling my sister and I when we were small, a very old story of how he nearly wasn’t able to go up the stage for his elementary graduation. He didn’t have shoes, and had to borrow a pair from a classmate. I also remember him telling us that he used to walk from their house going to school. He, together with his siblings, had a very simple life. They had nothing most of the time, so he knew how it is to make both ends meet.

He is Guillermo to his classmates and friends. Our mommy always told us about this story, how daddy was a math wiz. He was known in their college as the one who was good in math.

He is Guilly to his colleagues. He met his best friend and wife at La Salette of Aurora where they were both teaching high school. He was teaching Theology then. When he saw our mother, he knew that she was the one for him. So he wrote her love letters which mommy still kept until now. (You can see a sample of his letters, posted on the glass door in front). He was Romeo, and mommy was his Juliet.

Guilly was a well-rounded young man. He played the guitar and the harmonica. He attempted to draw and make sketches. He also liked playing table tennis. He is a musician and an artist. But please don’t ask him to sing. It is a constant family joke that he, like my sister, are tone deaf and sintonado.

He is Darleng to his wife and best friend. They did not call each other Darling. They called each other Darleng. They were inseparable. It was not only their friends and colleagues who noticed this, but also our relatives and even my and Divine’s friends. He is Batman to Robin, and Robin to Batman.

Mommy always used to tell us… “Your daddy is one in a million”. That means that there are only 92 daddies in the Philippines who are as great as you, Daddy. And now, this elite group is down to 91.

He is Kuyang to mommy’s relatives. He treated mommy’s relatives, not as in-laws, but as his own. He unselfishly shared what our family had to relatives, without expecting anything in return.

He is daddy to me and Divine/Mayette and to our cousins, Bullet, Boss and Sir. He and mommy only had 2 children, because they wanted us to have the best. They were struggling financially when we were still young, so they felt that 2 children were enough. I knew this because he always told us. He worked before with the National Statistics Office. I remember going to his office in Aurora, Isabela, and seeing pop-ed comics about family planning.

Daddy was a very good provider – dedicated, focused and very innovative. When we were small, he had a vegetable garden in our backyard. He always told us that as long as we have vegetables in the garden, we will never grow hungry. We had kamote, pechay, papaya trees, calamansi, kamias, chico, coconut, Chinese tea and others.

He also had a beautiful flower garden in front of our house. He had roses and daisies, and planted Bermuda grass. I remember that we used to help him weed out the lawn so we can sit down in the afternoon on a bed of lush Bermuda greens.

He taught us how to recycle – bottles, plastic bags, furniture, clothes, almost everything. In our household, we make maximize everything before throwing it away. He made a compost pit in our backyard, and used the old compost as fertilizers for his plants. He is a handyman and an environmentalist.

Not many of you will know, but our daddy is also a magician. He had so many magic tricks with the pingpong ball, with ropes and with cards. I remember that my sister and I used to assist our Daddy Magician during his performances in front of our cousins and friends.

He is also into photography. My sister and I are very lucky because we became his most favorite subjects. So we had albums of baby pictures. I remember that he used to have a Dark Room to process all his photos. Unfortunately, he had to sell his equipments to give way for more important expenses.

My sister and I were very happy when Daddy purchased our very first family transportation – a motorcycle. I think that was back in 1982. He bought the motorcycle when in fact, he doesn’t know how to ride a bike. So he taught himself how to ride a motorcycle. That is how determined he was.

Being an educator himself, he sent us to good schools, even if it meant sacrificing the luxuries that couples usually have – vacations and travels. He also knew the value of having good books for his children. He had a part time job selling Grolier books. This also gave him opportunities to buy expensive books on discount. So my sister and I had so many books, that some our friends and classmates regularly visit the house just to read. He knows how to motivate us and refused to spoon-feed us. Every time we ask him what the meaning of a word is, he tells us to look it up into our very big and old dictionary.

My father is a very good salesperson. He sold almost everything – from books, personal effects, car insurance, life insurance, to health insurance. I remember a good friend telling me, “Ang hirap magbenta sa bahay nyo. Bibili nga ang daddy mo. Pero pag labas ko ng bahay nyo, may naibenta din sya sa akin. Kulang pa ang tubo ko para pambayad.” That’s how good he was. I think it’s because he really believes in what he is selling. And he is doing that not just to make profit, but to help.

Very slowly, daddy and mommy ‘s hardwork paid off. Friends and relatives noticed that slowly, our finances were getting better and our lives were getting more comfortable. But even if he can already afford to buy expensive shoes, designer shirts and perfumes, he preferred the simple things in life. He still wore white shirt from Caritas, his company. He wore only a couple of comfortable diabetic-friendly shoes. He only wore clothes and perfumes which are gifts from us.

He is Lolo to Summer, Red, Marcus and Bossing. He was very patient with the kids, never getting tired of answering their why’s and explaining very difficult questions like, “Why is the moon following us?”. When he was still driving, he brings his apo’s to school and picks them up after. He taught them how to recycle used bond paper into sketch and notepads. He taught them how to organize their things and how not to make a mess.

I am so happy to see people tonight. Friends he made for the past years – from Aurora, from the Knights of Columbus, from Kabalikat, from insurance companies, from Marriage Encounter, from BCBP, from Caritas. I know that Daddy touched your lives somehow.

I hope that tonight, you have known him better. He is a Salesperson, Romeo to his Juliet, an Educator, Math wiz, Magician, Musician, Artist, Green thumb, Photographer, an Environmentalist, and so much more.

He is Guillermo, Emong, Guilly, My Darleng, Kuyang, Daddy, Lolo…

We will surely miss you, Daddy. But I know that you have lived a full life. So our tears are not for you. Our tears are for us, because we will miss you. We love you so much!

Malikhaing Pagsulat

2010-01-17T15:34:00.002+08:00

*a free-writing exercise in Filipino*

Nung nasa Unibersidad pa ako, kinailangan kong kumuha ng isang subject sa Filipino. Elective lang naman, pero required kasi, so kailangan sumunod.

Malikhaing Pagsulat... yan ang kinuha kong elective. Ok naman daw ang subject na ito. Basta ang kabilin-bilinan sa akin, huwag mo kunin si Jun Cruz Reyes na teacher.

Sino na nga ba si Jun Cruz Reyes? Parang napaka-familiar ng pangalan nya. Hmmm... ah oo! Sya ang sumulat ng isang essay na binasa namin nung high school. Actually nagustuhan ko ang essay nya -- easy reading at witty. Nakalimutan ko ang title, pero alam ko... sinabi nya na kung si Jesus Christ daw ay pumasok sa kolehiyo, malamang napagalitan at nasita sya dahil sa kanyang long hair. Witty, di ba?

Anyways, balik sa Malikhaing Pagsulat. Samakatuwid, pumila ako at nagpa-enroll sa subject na ito. Habang nakapila, nagdadasal na wag sana si Jun Cruz Reyes ang maging teacher.

Unang araw ng klase. Pumasok ang teacher sa room -- maliit, maitim, payat, medyo dugyot, kung titignang mabuti. Unang salita... "Class, ako si..."... at isinulat ang pangalan sa blackboard...

J...U...N...

POTA!!! Si Jun Cruz Reyes! Talaga naman pag sinwerte ka! Sa lahat ng UP Professors sa Filipino, bakit sya pa?!

So yun nga, ang kinatatakutang si Jun Cruz Reyes ang teacher ko. Wala na akong magagawa. Pinaghirapan kong pilahan ito (hindi pa computerized ang registration nung araw), at mahirap nang mag-ChangeMat (change matriculation).

I vowed to myself na gagalingan ko, para hindi ako mapahiya sa klase. Kilala itong si Jun na mahilig mang-okray ng mga estudyante.

Sa awa ng Diyos, hindi naman nya ako na-okray... ng masyado. May mga pahaging paminsan, pero kumpara sa mga salitang binitiwan nya tungkol sa mga classmates ko, ok na ako dun.

Sabi nya sa classmate kong half-chinese... "Chinese ka kasi... kaya ka hindi makasunod"

Sabi nya sa isang star player ng Volleyball Varsity Team... "Puro bola kasi inaatupag mo"

Sabi nya sa klase in general... "Gusto nyo magyosi? Lumabas kayo ng classroom. Teacher lang pwede magyosi." (habang humihitit sa kanyang yosi)

Ang tanong... bakit ako nagsusulat tungkol kay Jun Cruz Reyes? Dahil nagkaroon ako ng urge na sumulat sa tagalog. Mahirap at challenging ang Malikhaing Pagsulat... pero susubukan. Kaya, abangan!

3:05pm
17 January 2010
Ladprao Song 1

Empake

2010-01-10T17:57:00.002+08:00

6 word blog...

bye Gotham, till we meet again!

6:05pm
10 January 2010

* this is my first blog entry for 2010, and i settled for the 6-word blog. tsk tsk... have to do better next time *

2010

2010-01-02T18:11:00.000+08:00

Scars remind us where we've been...

... but it doesn't have to dictate where we're going.

Here's to new chapters, great adventures, exciting trails, fresh start, happy beginnings! :)

Joey Albert

2009-12-23T22:35:00.002+08:00

I remember the boy...
But I don't remember the feelings anymore.

(sobrang cheezzyyy!!!)

10:40pm
23 December 2009
Wednesday
Cable-landia

Dumbo

2009-12-15T23:19:00.003+08:00

I am now in Chiang Mai. Around this time last year, I was also here. But unlike today, I was on vacation last year.

I can't really complain because I enjoy what I'm doing... so it doesn't really feel like work.

On my way to Chiang Mai (the land of elephants) from Bangkok, the Thai airways flight kept on playing xmas songs. For the first time this year, I felt xmas. I actually felt a tug in my heart (tagalog translation: kurot sa puso). Not the painful kind, more like a nudge, a reminder that this beating organ still exists. I made a mental note to make use of it soon. Me heart needs some exercise -- literally and figuratively.

As the plane was about to land, I was smiling. And as I looked out in my window, I swear I saw little Dumbo, flying in the Chiang Mai sky... his snout brightly glowing with a red color, and Santa's sleigh tied at his back.

Merry xmas, Dumbo!

10:30pm
15 December 2009
Tuesday
SP Hotel
Chiang Mai

Bite My Tongue

2009-12-08T23:38:00.002+08:00

They say that when you have nothing good to say, don't open your mouth. Bob Ong, a Filipino contemporary author known for using humor in writings, put it in a more interesting way. But I forgot how we said it.

Anyways... my point is... where I am now made me realize that with all the potholes, pollution, garbage, poverty, greedy politicians and killings in the Philippines, we are still better off -- in a lot of ways.

I wanted to say more, but I don't want to say bad things about another country (and more importantly, I don't want to be deported). I don't like hearing foreigners describing the Philippines in a negative light, so I will just keep my silence.

However, there are words which I will forever associate with this place...
... dust
... sad eyes
... old

But I am almost sure that I will have more words, more beautiful words, to describe it in the future.

11:00pm
December 08, 2009
Tuesday
Golden Buffalo Hotel

TV Addict

2009-12-03T22:50:00.002+08:00

TV addict...

nope, not me.

my neighbor.

from my room's bath, i can hear my neighbor's tv on overtime mode. i think they NEVER turn it off! and for that, thai telenovelas and tv ads are part of my room's ambient sound.

that's my neighbor...
scientific name: televisionus adiktus

10:05pm
03 December 2009
Thursday
Ladprao Soi Nung
BKK

Massacre

2009-11-27T22:56:00.002+08:00

Horrible, despicable, inhuman, savage, pure evil.

Slowly

2009-11-19T22:12:00.002+08:00

6 word entry:

"Bangkok... loving every bit of it!"

what have i done so far in bangkok?
- ate raw vegetables and weeds (dipped in super hot sauce)
- tried to be vegetarian for a day (but kept snacking on chips)
- rode a non-aircon bus again (after 10 years)
- took the subway
- ate super spicy (hot) food!
- ate cendol (thai style)
- went to a bar and saw a male star from Bubble Gang
- made new friends
- learned thai phrases (i know how to count in thai now!)
- was supposed to ask "how much?" in thai, but said "go straight ahead" instead (hahaha!)
- was at a total loss when cab driver wouldn't stop when i said "trong pae", then learned after that i was telling him to go straight some more.

19 November, 2009
Thursday
my room, Ladprao Soi 1
BKK

Bangkok

2009-11-12T17:40:00.003+08:00

I'm back in Bangkok.

New work.

New house.

New office.

New colleagues.

New life.

New adventures.

I am hoping for new and happy trails.

For photos of my new house, visit my Facebook account.

4:55 pm
12 November 2009
Thursday
Jatujak, Bangkok

Torn

2009-11-07T00:08:00.001+08:00

i'm excited...

then not...

mixed emotions

07 November 2009
Saturday
Gotham

Wrong

2009-10-26T21:49:00.002+08:00

*6 word blog entry*

You're My Right Kind of Wrong

October 26
Monday
Cablelandia

Neruda

2009-10-19T15:06:00.002+08:00

I'm back to my 6-word blog entries. My entry for today...

"If You Forget Me, by Neruda"

19 October 2009
Monday
Kiddie Toes Montessori School
Santiago City, Isabela

Teargas

2009-10-07T05:43:00.005+08:00

I've always told my friends that i am apolitical. Even after studying at the University, or having worked with different civil society organizations since 1997, i still consider myself to be apolitical. (I refuse to be sucked in all these political ideological debates).

Having said that, i have very little experience in mobilization and street rallies. I've only attended 3 rallies my entire life. And that also means that i have not experienced how it is to be hosed down with water from firetrucks, or being beaten by policemen, or tear-gassed for that matter. And that's fine with me. These experiences are something which i do not really seek.

So it was a bit of an irony when i was able to experience how it is to be teargassed... in Istanbul!

I am now here attending a CSO Strategy Session at the World Bank Annual General Meeting. We were having a very peaceful strategic meeting in our hotel when we noticed a burning smell. Then it became stronger, and i noticed that it was very similar to the smell of my Chemistry 16 class way back in college. Then my throat started getting parched and itchy, and my eyes were irritated and became watery. That's when we realized that the police released tear gas targetted to the protesters, which were located outside of our hotel.

They had to shut close the hotel so no one can go out. You know how NGO people are, they will sacrifice their safety just to be in the thick of the action.

So there, i can proudly say that i've been teargassed. Does that mean that i am now less apolitical? *wink*

12:55 am
07 October 2009
Wednesday
Hotel Grand Star
Istanbul

ps.
remind me to tell you about the Filipino Mafia, Baklava, The Russian Guy and The Boots.

Distance

2009-09-27T16:12:00.003+08:00

my 6-word blog for the day:

"I think I don't miss you."

i've been really lazy lately. i don't want to write, because i might write something i'd soon regret.

more aptly put in tagalog.... ayokong ibuhos... baka malunod ako.

4:20pm
27 September 2009
Sunday
Batu Ferringhi, Penang

Ilusyonada

2009-09-20T21:23:00.002+08:00

6-word blog entry:

Hoping it's not just Fata Morgana.

9:30pm
20 September 2009
Sunday
My Shoebox (glad to be back)

6 Word Blog

2009-09-12T14:45:00.003+08:00

.
new face... old feeling... scares me.

2:50pm
12 September 2009
Saturday
Santiago City

6 Word Memoir: on what i feel today

2009-08-22T22:03:00.002+08:00

saw him again. he's happy... bummer!

10:10pm
Aug 22, 2009
Saturday
Cable-landia

Syana

2009-08-07T19:45:00.002+08:00

Syana
- noun
- tagalog
- slang
- root word: Probinsiana (a woman from or living in the province)

I am a Syana.

Born and bred in Isabela.

But for the past 18 years, I've been away. Since I studied in the University, I've been spending most of my days in Manila, and just go home during the holidays.

But since 2 years ago, I've been spending more time in the province. The nature of my work permitted me to work almost anywhere I want to, as long as there's internet access.

As I am writing this, I've already spent my 30th day here in the province. I miss my small shoebox in manila. I miss eating out and going to the movies. I miss the regular gatherings with the Dyosas.

I must admit I miss the Gotham rhythm. But I am slowly getting the hang of the Syana pace -- slow, relaxed and stress-free. I guess, a Syana I will always be.

8:05 pm
07 August 2009
Friday
Santiago City, Isabela

Yellow

2009-08-01T22:20:00.003+08:00

yellow... amidst the green

01 August 20009
Saturday

The Best of Both Worlds

2009-07-24T22:11:00.004+08:00

I've said it time and again...

I am a foodie.

And I also love photography.

So given a chance to do practice shoot and eat at the same time, I would be a very happy pig.

Ms Dolly Babaran of Villa Diana Hotel and Resort, another photo enthusiast, invited me last week for a photo shoot. No models, no landscapes... because the subject is a favorite of mine... sumptuous and delicious food!

So off i went to Villa Diana and joined Dolly and another photo enthusiast, Daks. Click, click, click. We took photos of the food for an hour. And as a reward, we get to eat our subject! Who says that you can't have your cake and eat it too?

The food at Villa Diana is superb. Their menu is very diverse.

Food and photography! Photogprahy and food! A truly wonderful gastonomic and photographic experience. The best of both worlds, what more can you ask for?

For more photos, please visit my Multiply site.

10:25 pm
24 July 2009
Friday
Santiago City, Isabela

Send in the clown

2009-07-18T20:04:00.007+08:00

I promised that i would not have any more political comments in my blog. But i just can't help it.

Our subdivision in Cablelandia (a land far far away) is in front of a big church of a certain religion. A few days ago, the nearby idle/empty lands near our subdivision entrance have been unusually busy. Working men have been busy pounding their hammers making makeshift billboard and streamer frames.

Initially, i thought the billboards and streamers were for our Patronal Town Fiesta. But no! Today, i saw the faces of our beloved LGU Officials giving their warmest greetings to this certain religion which is celebrating it's founding anniversary. One even went as far as putting her face and that of the church's leader in a HUMONGUOUS tarpaulin billboard. They looked like a newly wed couple. BWAHAHA! It looked sooo ridiculous. All these politicians kissing ass... tsk tsk... how low can they go?

Wala lang, it just made sad and amused at the same time. Sad that we are actually putting our future in the hands of these jesters. Amused that our politics is even more colorful and absurd than that of a circus.

Hay, how i wish i can put all these trapos inside a lion's cage. But since i love animals, i wouldn't want the lion to eat bad meat. Baka masira ang tyan.

08:00pm
18 July 2009
Saturday
Cablelandia

photo credits: Flickr

Alternate Universe

2009-07-12T19:07:00.006+08:00

Only a few friends know that I previously took Molecular Biology and Biotechnology (MBB) in the University. Why on earth, you might ask. Well, I liked how it sounded. And during my elementary days, I liked science (particularly astronomy), and I wanted to be a scientist and an astronaut (hahaha! yes, i was a nerd).

Alas, I soon realized that my love for science and math was a one-way thing. It didn't love me back. I loved astronomy, but chemistry what was I needed to pass. I loved algebra, but I needed to take 3 courses of calculus.

So I decided to change my course. But that's another story.

This entry will attempt to give you a glimpse of the Alternate Me -- what I would have been if I finished my MBB course.

1. Doctor - I would have finished MBB as a pre-med course (but I really don't understand why people would allow themselves to slave their way through MBB, when they could take a much easier course.

2. Geneticist - Splicing and re-engineering molecules and DNAs would have been my daily routine

3. Technical Researcher - Books, journals, reading, writing, and more books, journals, reading, writing.

4. Professor - Not really my cup of tea

5. Can't think of anymore options. Maybe my ex-classmates would care to add to this list.

08:20pm
12 July 2009
Sunday
Santiago City, Isabela

photo credits: Flickr

bite

2009-07-05T22:12:00.002+08:00

A lot of friends have been prodding me to buy a Macbook, instead of a PC. I would have wanted to buy the red Toshiba laptop, but all the stores that I've called have run out of stock.

So... i'm seriously contemplating on switching... on biting the apple... of buying the macbook aluminum unibody.

Will let you know if I gave in to the temptation.

10:20pm
05 July 2009
Sunday
Fairview

Gotham vs Cablelandia

2009-06-29T22:04:00.004+08:00

This afternoon, I was again reminded why I hate Manila roads during rush hour. And while I was stuck in the middle of Commonwealth Avenue, my foot perpetually pressed on the brakes and clutch (yes, I am a clutch driver, and I blame A1 Driving School for that), I started making a mental list of the things I love and hate about Gotham (Manila) and Cablelandia (the province).

I love Cablelandia because...
1. There is cable tv connection (thus the term)
2. There is a wifi router at my sister's workplace (where I get to tambay), and 2 (not 1) internet connections at home.
3. Free food! (need I say more?)
4. No worries about doing my laundry, washing the dishes or cleaning the house.
5. Less gas expense (I don't go out much)
6. 2 little brats I call pamangkins I see everyday.
7. No worried about always using the aircon

Now why can't i stand Cablendandia...
1. Too hot!!!
2. No moviehouse
3.I have to drive to the next town to get really good brewed coffee.

Gotham, on the other hand is unbearable because...
1. Traffic! Traffic! Traffic!
2. Pollution! Garbage! Pollution
3. Expenses! Expenses! Expenses!

But I keep coming back because...
1. I love UP Campus and Teacher's Village
2. I love the solitude of my small shoebox
3. I miss Tippy!
4. Food trip! Food trip! Food trip!
5. I miss attending the gathering of the Dyosas.

So there, Cablelandia....I will never let you go, pero kahit anong mangyari... Gotham... I will keep coming back to you.

*singing... hinahanap hanap kita Manila, ang ingay mong kay sarap sa tenga... mga jeepney mong naglliliparan...*

10:20 pm
29 June 2009
Monday
Fairview

photo credits: Flickr

Jungle

2009-06-23T23:30:00.004+08:00

After almost 2 months of hiding in Cable-landia (sorry folks, I can't divulge where that is), I am back in the urban jungle my dyosa friends call Gotham.

Did I miss being in gotham? I've been asking that question since this morning. And until now, I still have no answer.

I guess I am glad... because now i can again...

... drive like crazy in Commonwealth and Quezon Circle
... problematize about my daily meals
... complain about the rising prices of food and gasoline
... inhale the over polluted air of the metro
... smell the garbage lying everwhere.

But I am happier that I can finally have food trip sessions with the bestest dyosas you can find.

I'm glad I'm back in gotham.

Now, I just need to look for Batman to fight the swine flu virus.

11:55 pm
23 June 2009
Tuesday
Quezon City

photo credits: Flickr

Radical Sabbatical

2009-06-14T22:14:00.002+08:00

Ever wondered what job or activity would make you really happy? Not taking into consideration money, family, expectations and norms... what would you like to do?

I made a list (a very short one) of the things I would do on my radical sabbatical:

1. Photographer - I've been really interested in photography for the past few years. And it would not hurt to do it fulltime.

2. Travel and Leisure Critique - It would be heaven to go to different places and try out the services and amenities... for free! That way, I can still continue to write feature stories and articles, and take some snapshots.

3. Food Critique - Do I really need to explain?

4. Pre-school Teacher - Lately, I've been having so much interest in developing a relevant (emotionally, academically, and socially) curriculum for children.

5. Lounge Singer - I love music (although I'm not sure if the feeling is mutual).

Ikaw?

10:28 pm
14 June 2009
Sunday
Santiago City

Rainy days

2009-06-05T20:48:00.002+08:00

It's been raining since a few days ago. And though i love the sound and feel of rain, i feel a certain sadness. I don't know why, but I feel a melancholic every time i hear the rain. But i love this kind of melancholy. It's not the kind where you would cry your eyes out or wail in frustration.

It's a pleasant kind of melancholy.

Sometimes, i smile when it rains... when i smell the rain. I close my eyes and i am transported to another place -- somewhere cold and misty, raindrops gently tapping on the roof, wood crackling in the fireplace, guitar playing in the background, cool and fluffy pillows. That is heaven for me.

Incidentally, the place described above is real. It happened a few years back. When life was as sweet as rain.

09:50pm
05 June 2009, Friday
Santiago City

photocredits:
flickr.com

Wish

2009-05-24T00:12:00.002+08:00

this was forwarded by a friend. salamat.

My wish for you is that you succeed beyond your wildest imagination. That you find love in places that astound you. And that you have friends who call you "just because." I dream that you go barefoot more than you wear shoes. That you play as hard as you work. And that you laugh more than you cry. I want you to set the bar high, but not too high. To reach for the stars, but with your toes on the ground. And to never, ever stop dreaming. But most of all I wish for your happiness.

And these dreams of mine are what started it all.

Besos,
The Universe

Sleep

2009-05-14T22:35:00.001+08:00

i want to sleep the whole day...

wala lang...

Summer in the city

2009-05-03T19:05:00.006+08:00

My 6 year old nice, Summer, stayed with me in Manila for almost a week. We've been planning to do this since December. We called this our "bonding time".

My world stood still while she was here. I never realized how difficult it is to have a child, feed her real food, make sure she sleeps early, go home early (meaning less social life), bring her to activity centers, give her tips for her artwork, take photos, answer all her questions, keep up with her energy and listen to her stories.

It is tiring, i tell you. I was exhausted.

Exhausted, but happy.

She wants to do this again. Hmmm.... maybe after a couple of months. I need to recharge my batteries.

For more photos of her Manila adventure, visit my Multiply site.

07:30pm
03 May, 2009
Sunday
Fairview
(Paquiao won, yay)

Rain

2009-04-23T21:28:00.005+08:00

It rained today.

After so many days of humidity and heat, it finally rained.

The downpour only lasted about an hour. But it was enough to make the world look and feel fresh again.

I went out after the rain stopped. And I felt really good. I feel as if the earth had just taken a really long shower after a day of trekking under the heat of the sun. The trees and plants look healthier and greener. The roads look happier and moisturized. The roofs look shinier and newer. Even my car looks newly painted and polished.

But most importantly, people I met seemed happier and revitalized.

I love the rain. I love how it cleanses us, from the inside out. Can't wait for the next downpour.

09:40pm
23 April 2009
Thursday
Santiago City, Isabela

photo credit: flickr.com

Infinite Possibilities

2009-04-15T22:07:00.005+08:00

Last Easter Sunday, Summer (my niece) painted some hard boiled eggs for the kids' Easter Egg Hunt. She was only able to paint 4.

Then Lolo and Lola hid the eggs away -- under plants, inside cabinets, and one near the TV.

Summer and Red (the younger sister) were able to find all 4. And the grandparents bought ice cream... for everyone! :)

I love the concept of Easter Egg Hunting. The egg was a symbol of the rebirth of the earth in Pagan celebrations of spring and was adopted by early Christians as a symbol of the rebirth of man at Easter.

I love all celebrations and events which gives hope and new beginnings to people. It turns the page to something fresh and empty.

And at times when hunger, poverty, hatred, heartbreak and hopelessness is seen in every corner, Easter Egg Hunt and what it symbolizes is something that we all need.

I believe in new beginnings. I know that there are infinite possibilities. Look for your eggs. Happy Easter Egg Hunting!

10:25 pm
15 April 2009
Wednesday
Santiago City

Not fast... Just furious

2009-04-09T22:54:00.002+08:00

After watching Fast and the Furious 4: New Model, Original Parts, I had this sudden desire to furiously step on the gas pedal and race. As we were going out the parking building of the mall, I wanted to test the speed limit of my miniature car. I felt that I was a race car driver.

But as we drove in the almost empty streets of Quezon City (it was already almost midnight), my heart sank. I realized that I can never do the things they do in the movie.

The state of our roads are dismal -- potholes and road constructions everywhere. Especially now that the elections are near, our beloved politicians are scrambling to make their names as visible as they can. Road blocks are seen everywhere. It says, Road Under Construction and of course, Public Service brought to you by Congressman Laki T. Yan.

Nope, I can never realize my dream of becoming a drag racer -- not with our roads, I won't.

I will not go fast... I will just be furious.

11:05pm
09 April 2009
Holy Thursday
Santiago City

Summer

2009-03-30T17:45:00.007+08:00

Es muy caliente.

Het is zeer heet.

Il fait très chaud.

Fa caldo molto.

Está muito quente.

(apologies for any lapse in translation, blame it on babelfish)

The Bachelor

2009-03-24T22:07:00.002+08:00

I've heard about this reality show, but i haven't really watched it. This morning, i was able to watch an episode. I have no idea which season this is, and i don't even remember the Bachelor's name.

What really struck me is the fact that there are 3 young and very attractive women fighting over one guy, The Bachelor.

I know that they signed up to all these drama and possibilities of love, but i can't help but to think if they really imagined how it would affect them. Did they really expect not to get hurt, and maintain their detachment?

In that particular episode, all 3 women went on an overnight date with the bachelor. They all accepted his offer to stay with him overnight in the Fantasy Suite. This suite was given as a "gift" to the couple by the show's organizers. Now, it's not my business whatever they do inside that very romantic room (with jacuzzi, wine, candles, and rose petals), but i am guessing they did not play cards nor plucked each other's armpit hairs.

What the hell are the producers of the show thinking???

I am not one to judge based on morality nor ethics (as i am not a saint). But this is clearly condoning multiple partners (sexual or otherwise).

I thought that my disgust for the show would stop here. But the bachelor was made to choose 1 girl that he needed to let go. And this was done on the 4th day, after he dated all the 3 girls! I was thinking, you kissed these girls, and the following day, you're going to break up with one of them?! What the...!

At ito ang pamatay... during the day of the Rose Ceremony (he will give a rose to the 2 girls he chose), he finally chose the girl he would let go. After the announcement, he was given a chance to say his goodbye to the jilted girl. The girl was clearly upset, and even shed a lot of tears.

After she left in her limo (yes, folks, she got her heart broken in style), the bachelor returned to the garden, to meet the 2 remaining girls... with a big smile on his face! They gave him and his girls wine glasses and a bottle of red wine. They were happily laughing, hugging and making toasts. But what were they so happy about? Were they celebrating the other girl's broken heart? Were they thinking of having a three-some? Were the girls trying drown down their fear of being the next one to get her heart broken?

It is sick, i tell you! It makes me want to throw up!

I know that reality shows have taken a plunge into the realms of desperation, but this show, The Bachelor, is in the abyss of psychological disturbance.

As i turned off the tv, i felt a sense of sadness. I empathized with the sadness felt by the girl in the limo (hey, her feelings seemed real). But i was more sad... i was actually mourning, for the death of decency, creativity and intelligence of television as a medium of expression and communication.

Hayyy...

10:40pm
24 March 2009
Tuesday
Santiago City, Isabela

Facebook: a phenomenon

2009-03-17T19:54:00.005+08:00

I've always said this... I am amazed at how Facebook was able (and still is) connecting people.

Friends from way back have reconnected because of this platform. And don't believe it when they say that technology causes the decline in societal interaction. I think that Facebook does exactly the opposite. It enables people -- from the best of friends to your most casual acquaintance -- to exchange feelings, thoughts and emotions through the status message.

I noticed that FB contacts would shamelessly wear their heart out on their sleeves through that one small box in their Facebook wall.

Xxxx... is sure that love is all that matters (from a developmental worker who
always appears to be grim and determined)

Xxxx... feels stupid (from an elderly and respected woman/personality)

Xxxx... is senti (from a very successful no-nonsense businessman)

It never fails to put a smile on my face, every time I read these status messages. I think people take advantage of this perceived anonimity and detachment. When you write words in you FB wall, you are only accountable to yourself. You write to your heart's content without considering who reads it. And that is the novelty of Facebook. You seem to be only writing and communicating to yourself.

It asks you... "What are you doing right now?" And you answer. And what you write is most of the time your most personal thoughts, feelings and emotions. You write about the "here and now".

With FB, you connect with people... albeit unknowingly. And sometimes, this is the most personal connection there is... more than talking to another... talking to the self.

Who would have thought that Facebook is a good practice for introspection?

08:20 pm
Tuesday
17 March 2009

My status message:
Stuck in Sunny Villas, Fairview, QC