Not fast... Just furious

After watching Fast and the Furious 4: New Model, Original Parts, I had this sudden desire to furiously step on the gas pedal and race. As we were going out the parking building of the mall, I wanted to test the speed limit of my miniature car. I felt that I was a race car driver.

But as we drove in the almost empty streets of Quezon City (it was already almost midnight), my heart sank. I realized that I can never do the things they do in the movie.

The state of our roads are dismal -- potholes and road constructions everywhere. Especially now that the elections are near, our beloved politicians are scrambling to make their names as visible as they can. Road blocks are seen everywhere. It says, Road Under Construction and of course, Public Service brought to you by Congressman Laki T. Yan.

Nope, I can never realize my dream of becoming a drag racer -- not with our roads, I won't.

I will not go fast... I will just be furious.


11:05pm
09 April 2009
Holy Thursday
Santiago City

Summer

Es muy caliente.

Het is zeer heet.

Il fait très chaud.

Fa caldo molto.

Está muito quente.

(apologies for any lapse in translation, blame it on babelfish)

The Bachelor

I've heard about this reality show, but i haven't really watched it. This morning, i was able to watch an episode. I have no idea which season this is, and i don't even remember the Bachelor's name.

What really struck me is the fact that there are 3 young and very attractive women fighting over one guy, The Bachelor.

I know that they signed up to all these drama and possibilities of love, but i can't help but to think if they really imagined how it would affect them. Did they really expect not to get hurt, and maintain their detachment?

In that particular episode, all 3 women went on an overnight date with the bachelor. They all accepted his offer to stay with him overnight in the Fantasy Suite. This suite was given as a "gift" to the couple by the show's organizers. Now, it's not my business whatever they do inside that very romantic room (with jacuzzi, wine, candles, and rose petals), but i am guessing they did not play cards nor plucked each other's armpit hairs.

What the hell are the producers of the show thinking???

I am not one to judge based on morality nor ethics (as i am not a saint). But this is clearly condoning multiple partners (sexual or otherwise).

I thought that my disgust for the show would stop here. But the bachelor was made to choose 1 girl that he needed to let go. And this was done on the 4th day, after he dated all the 3 girls! I was thinking, you kissed these girls, and the following day, you're going to break up with one of them?! What the...!

At ito ang pamatay... during the day of the Rose Ceremony (he will give a rose to the 2 girls he chose), he finally chose the girl he would let go. After the announcement, he was given a chance to say his goodbye to the jilted girl. The girl was clearly upset, and even shed a lot of tears.

After she left in her limo (yes, folks, she got her heart broken in style), the bachelor returned to the garden, to meet the 2 remaining girls... with a big smile on his face! They gave him and his girls wine glasses and a bottle of red wine. They were happily laughing, hugging and making toasts. But what were they so happy about? Were they celebrating the other girl's broken heart? Were they thinking of having a three-some? Were the girls trying drown down their fear of being the next one to get her heart broken?

It is sick, i tell you! It makes me want to throw up!

I know that reality shows have taken a plunge into the realms of desperation, but this show, The Bachelor, is in the abyss of psychological disturbance.

As i turned off the tv, i felt a sense of sadness. I empathized with the sadness felt by the girl in the limo (hey, her feelings seemed real). But i was more sad... i was actually mourning, for the death of decency, creativity and intelligence of television as a medium of expression and communication.

Hayyy...


10:40pm
24 March 2009
Tuesday
Santiago City, Isabela

Facebook: a phenomenon

I've always said this... I am amazed at how Facebook was able (and still is) connecting people.

Friends from way back have reconnected because of this platform. And don't believe it when they say that technology causes the decline in societal interaction. I think that Facebook does exactly the opposite. It enables people -- from the best of friends to your most casual acquaintance -- to exchange feelings, thoughts and emotions through the status message.


I noticed that FB contacts would shamelessly wear their heart out on their sleeves through that one small box in their Facebook wall.


Xxxx... is sure that love is all that matters (from a developmental worker who
always appears to be grim and determined)

Xxxx... feels stupid (from an elderly and respected woman/personality)

Xxxx... is senti (from a very successful no-nonsense businessman)

It never fails to put a smile on my face, every time I read these status messages. I think people take advantage of this perceived anonimity and detachment. When you write words in you FB wall, you are only accountable to yourself. You write to your heart's content without considering who reads it. And that is the novelty of Facebook. You seem to be only writing and communicating to yourself.

It asks you... "What are you doing right now?" And you answer. And what you write is most of the time your most personal thoughts, feelings and emotions. You write about the "here and now".

With FB, you connect with people... albeit unknowingly. And sometimes, this is the most personal connection there is... more than talking to another... talking to the self.

Who would have thought that Facebook is a good practice for introspection?


08:20 pm
Tuesday
17 March 2009

My status message:
Stuck in Sunny Villas, Fairview, QC

Diet

note:
Today, i wanted to write about so many things --
... about my first encounter with the Eraserheads
... about my love for short stories
... about my weight gain
... about shitty marriages and relationships
... about the summer heat and how it gives me headaches
... about love potions from Siquijor...
...but i am not a prolific writer. I struggle in writing. So i will just write about one topic... my weight gain. (I initially intended to write about short stories, but i changed my mind just now. Yes, i am fickle.)



I have been overweight since time immemorial.

I've always needed to shed off a few pounds -- 5 pounds, 10 pounds, 20 pounds.

I have tried so many kinds of diet strategies -- after 6 diet, 3 day diet, south beach diet, Slimfast diet, Skyflakes diet. (The most effective for me is south beach).

As i am writing this entry, i need to lose 20 pounds, the most i needed to lose since i turned 20.

I don't know if it's because of my age (I'm past 30), or because i have a home-based job now, or that i don't get to exercise, or that i've been stuffing myself with comfort food the past months. But i am guessing it's because of all of these.

I feel heavy, lethargic, moody, sad. I need to lose weight! I want to lose weight! I have to lose weight!

Wala lang. I just wanted to rant.

Remind me to write about those other things i mentioned previously.


08:15 pm
Tuesday
10 March 2009
Fairview

Broken

* free-writing

I call her Negra.

Negra has been my best friend since 2003.

She's with me when i'm sad, and i want to strum away my pain. She's also with me when i'm ecstatic, and i want to sing at the top of my lung.

She is my beautiful black guitar.

I got her in 2003, from of the stores in Sta Mesa. A good friend (see previous entry, Boylet) went with me to the guitar shop. And when i saw her, i instantly fell in love.

I said in my previous entry (My checkist - the ideal guy) that my guy should know how to play a musical instrument. I guess i got tired of waiting for him, so i told myself that i will buy myself a guitar and learn how to play.

I basically taught myself, with the help of some friends. My first piece was "Luka". I loved it because i sounded good playing it.

So after almost 6 years of stroking Negra's dark and smooth curves, she broke. She's broken... beyond repair. I don't know why, maybe because i don't play the guitar anymore. Maybe she felt abandoned and forgotten. But one thing's for sure... I want her back.

Salamat, Negra. You will be missed.


10:05pm
01 March 2009
Sunday
Santiago City, Isabela

Love in the islands

I went to Dumaguete and Siquijor with two of the most interesting travel companions.


We spent Valentine's day in Siquijor... the mystical island... the island of fire... la isla del fuego.


And there I got to experience one of the best valentine's day ever.



Being photo enthusiasts, we started this game of putting titles to photos that we take. "Ang puso ko ay parang... *the subject of the photograph*. So for four wonderful days, we kept on saying... "Ang puso ko ay parang dagat, or bangka, anting-anting, etc..."



Siquijor and Dumaguete are the perfect places to spend the day of love in. And since I don't want to do injustice to these lovely islands, I won't write about them. But I will show photos which struck me.



I left my heart in this island.




Vandalism seen in the walls of the school building in Apo Island, Dumaguete:

"Bulaklak ng pag-ibig
Dahon ng pagmamahal
Ugat ng ala-ala
Ipinanganak man akong
Walang kakambal
Mahalin mo ako
Ng walang karibal"

Ice Castles

They say that you can't forget your firsts -- first love, first heartbreak, first experience.

Tonight, I am watching again my very first favorite movie, Ice Castles. I was about 4 years old when I first watched it. And I fell in love with the movie, with Lexie, the ice skater.

My parents tell me that I know the story by heart, and I can tell it to friends and cousins.

In this sports melodrama that boldly illustrates the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat, Lynn-Holly Johnson plays Iowa farm girl Alexis Winston, who has a God-given talent for ice skating.

With the encouragement and training of the local ice-skating rink operator Beulah Smith (Colleen Dewhurst), she manages to win the first prize trophy at a regional ice-skating competition. At the competition, she is spotted by Olympic coach Deborah Machland (Jennifer Warren), who promotes her as an underdog competitor, and she skyrockets to fame.

Her career is going like gangbusters, until she is blinded in a freak accident. But with the help of her caring boyfriend Nick (Robby Benson) and her encouraging father Marcus (Tom Skerritt), she overcomes her depression just in time to prove herself at a major competition.

After 30 years, I am watching the movie again. This time, with new perspectives and interpretations. But still with the same enthusiasm that I had when I was a little girl.


10:05 pm
25 January 2009
Sunday
Fairview, QC

Marathon

I've been doing a marathon. Not the running kind. A Grey's Anatomy marathon. I've been staying up very late trying to finish 2 seasons of this series. And not only did I get headaches and eyebags, I found some really surprisingly relevant nuggets of wisdom from Meredith.


"The most miserable people are those who don’t know what they want."


"It’s shocking how many kinds of addiction there are. It would be easy if it was just booze or drugs or cigarette.

The hardest part of kicking a habit, is wanting to kick it. We get addicted for a reason. Too often, things that start out as normal part of your life, at some point, cross the line to being obsessive, compulsive, and out-of-control. Because it’s the high we’re chasing. The high that makes everything else fade away.

The thing with addiction is that it never ends well. Because eventually, whatever it is that was getting us high, stops feeling good. Then it starts to hurt. They say you don’t kick the habit until you’re rock bottom. But how do you know you’re there? Because no matter how badly the thing is hurting use, sometimes, letting it go hurts even worse."


"We like to think that we are rational beings – humane, conscientious, civilized, thoughtful. But when things fall apart, even just a little, it becomes clear – we’re no better than animals. We have opposable thumbs, we think, we walk erect, we speak, we dream. But deep down, there is a little animal in all of us. And maybe that’s something to celebrate. Our animal instinct is what makes us see comfort, or a pack to run with. We may feel caged, we may feel trapped. But still as humans, we can find ways to feel free. We are each other’s keeper. We are the guardians of our own humanity. And even though there’s a beast in all of us, what sets us apart from the animals is that we can think, feel, dream and love. And against all odds, against all instincts, we evolve."


"You know what’s better than sex? Anticipation."


"Don’t lick your wounds, celebrate them. The scars you bear are the signs of a competitor. You are in a lion fight. Just because you didn’t win doesn’t mean you don’t know how to roar."


"Reality... it's much more interesting than living happily ever after."


6:30 pm
19 January 2009
Monday
Fairview

Crazy

* more of those free-writing exercises *

"Crazy" is one of those words which I can say in different languages and dialects

Crazy. Baliw. Bagtit. Murit. Buang. Gila. Loco. Maluco.

Last night (Thurs) was one of those over crazy nights. 6 gila people gathered together for dinner and social drinks (which turned out to be all-nighter a.k.a pamorningan).

Each one had her/his own baliw moment. Each one imposed her/his own bagtit view on another.

It was totally murit! Gila pandemonium! A buang circus!

After 6 bottles of wine, 1 bottle of Bailey's and bottles of San Mig Light, we went home before the crack of dawn -- reeking with alcohol, eyebags and dark circle around the eyes visible, but with a loco grin in our faces.

I love having crazy nights with my crazy friends!


9:15pm
Friday
09 January 2009
Fairview (once more)

Gratitude

* another free writing exercise *

Inspired by an entry of a fellow photo-enthusiast, this entry is dedicated to very special people in my heart. They might not have realized that they made a rather large dent in my life. But to them, I owe what I am today -- with all my flaws and achievements, my imperfections and my strengths.

To my nephrologist (whom I fondly call Mommy Doc)...
She is the gentle yet firm voice I hear every month, urging me to religiously take my meds and keep healthy. To her I owe how I feel today. She was my second mother, making sure that I stick to her medical advise, and yet I still feel her respect for me as a person. Salamat, Doc.

To my cousin...
I know that he is one of my biggest fan in terms of photography. I feel that even if he doesn't tell me. He gives me opportunities for photo shoots even in the most impossible situations. You inspire me to do better. Salamat, pinsan.

To a fellow photo enthusiast...
He reminded me of the true meaning of passion and commitment. That even if a task seems impossible to do, one's dedication can move mountains. He is not only a talented photographer, but is an excellent model for all inspiring photo-enthusiast. Isa kang tunay na litratista. Saludo ako sa iyo, kuya.

To a Malaysian blogger and publisher...
He is a visionary. And he not only pushed himself to realize his own dreams, but he made other people's dreams become a reality. Thank you for believing in what I can do. Thank you for recognizing my talent. Terimah kasih!

To a very dignified and accomplished man...
You made me see things in a different light. You inspired me in ways you would not have thought possible. You made me smile again, reminding me of my youth, and the endless possibilities life can offer. You made me warm, and fuzzy, and happy, and giddy and giggly. Thank you for giving me back this amazing feeling -- something that I thought I didn't have anymore. Thank you very much, sir.

To a great artist...
You are my idol. You make me want to become a true visual artist. Thank you for being nice and accommodating. Thank you for your very subtle ways of pushing me to learn. Salamat. Idol talaga kita.

To a strong woman, a TV series character...
Thank you for showing me what could happen in the future. Thank you for mouthing the words that have long been inside my head. Thank you for saying that, "The people who suffer most are the ones that do not know what they want."

2008 has been an amazing year. Not all five-hundred-twentyfive-thousand-six-hunded-minutes were perfect. But 2008 surely gave me five-hundred-twentyfive-thousand-six-hunded-minutes of moments I would cherish.

2008 gave a lot of challenges, but it threw in far more amazing gifts.

In 2008, I was forced to climb a mountain, but the pain was all worth it when I saw the view from the top.

In 2008, I got thrown in a river, but this was when I finally saw my reflection.

In 2008, I was in the middle of a storm, but I was protected by the "eye", and came through unscathed.

2008 was truly an amazing year. And I know that 2009 will be better, more special, really spectacular.

2009 is another chance for us to get things right.

Here's a toast to new beginnings!

Here's a toast to living life on superlative!

Here's to "lundagin mo, baby!" Yebah! :)


10:40 pm
Thursday
01 January 2008
Santiago City

Maligaya!

sana masaya ang pasko mo :)

Lundagin mo, baby!

A couple days ago, I saw a button pin from Atenista friends. It says “Lundagin mo, beybeh”. It was apparently made by college students as a reminder of the popular line from a well-loved Philosophy teacher in Ateneo.

“Lundagin mo, baby!”

I’ve heard that line before. I can’t remember when or who said it. But it always reminds me of Rico J. Puno and Dina Bonevie. I really don’t know why.

I did some internet research and I found out that this was a very popular phrase back in the 60’s, popularized by a DJ, Johnny De Leon.

Lundagin is from the root word, lundag, which means to jump.

Jump: To spring off the ground or other base by a muscular effort of the legs and feet.

It entails effort since the aim is to spring off the ground. So jumping is not just regular everyday activity. It involves energy and will to lift oneself off the ground. Therefore, if one is not willing to expend energy, one cannot take off. In short, mag-effort ka, kapatid!

Jump: To move suddenly and in one motion

It means moving with speed. You cannot jump in slow motion, that’ll defy the laws of gravity. So when jumping, it has to be quick, fast and precise. Therefore, pag babagal-bagal ka, maiiwan ka sa kangkungan.

Jump: To move involuntarily, as in surprise

Like a hunter, you have to take the victim by surprise. Grab it suddenly, leaving it no other choice but to give in. Jumping involves an element of shock and astonishment. In short, kailangan may gulpe-de-gulat.

So what does ‘Lundagin mo, baby’ really mean? It means jumping out suddenly, and with a lot of effort from our comfort zones. Much like bunjee jumping, it entails taking risks, and letting go of our fears. It means not being afraid to lose control and be vulnerable.

So whatever it is that we want to jump into – a new career, relationships, commitment – remember to make the jump as high and as lively as possible.

Carpe diem! Sieze the day!

Jump and jump high!

Lundagin mo, beybeh!


07:20 pm
19 December 2008
Santiago City

Wish ko

I've gotten mails and messages from friends which contains their xmas wish list. So I'm making my own.

1. My very own personal Thai masseuse. Or gift certificates (2 massages in a month, for 1 whole year) for an authentic Thai massage.

2. A new Mac Book

3. New Canon lenses for my camera

4. External flash (Canon, please)

5. Extra memory card for Canon (it's not the regular-sized SD card)

6. Trip to Easter Island

7. One year supply (1 Liter per week) of Green Tea-flavored Sugar Free Ice Cream (brand Big Scoop, preferred)

8. A new external hard drive (160gb or higher)

9. A home entertainment system

10. Credit card balance write-off


Got it?

Merry xmas!


12:15pm
11 December 2008
Thursday
Fairview, Quezon City

Termina-lovely

*free-writing, muli*

I don't usually like airports, especially since I have had some bad experiences with some -- lost baggage, red eye transit time, almost 1 day transit/stops, rude personnel, boring or dirty facilities, etc.

But I think that I will never get tired of Changi Airport in Singapore. It is one of the busiest airports in the world and is an important passenger hub.

Changi has made its mark as a benchmark for service excellence, having received over 280 awards in a 20-year period from 1987 to 2007. Just for last year, it won 19 Best Airports awards!

I would personally vote for Changi given the chance to be in one of those awards committee. I love Changi! Not for its infinite shopping opportunities or gastronomical options, but because of its facilities for weary travelers like me.

Today, I have 5 hrs to spend here in Changi. My flight from Penang has a stop-over in Changi. And I am not complaining at all!

Here's a list of the things I did to kill the time
1. Made artwork using Changi's free stencil art. I will post photos of my artworks soon.
2. Went to the toilet more than 3 times. I am a sucker for clean toilets
3. Accessed free wifi at their lazy boy lounge (which also had large flat screen tv, and individualized speakers in the lazy boys).
4. Watched re-runs of Friends.
5. Registered for a free 3-year wifi access account.
6. Charged my phone and laptop through their free charging bays.
7. Rode the Sky Train going to Terminal 3, Changi's new posh terminal.
8. Went around T3.
9. Watched a free movie at their Transit Cinema.
10. Got a copy of Changi's free magazine.
11. Bought chocolates -- sugar free, dark italian chocolates, Reeses (xmas tree shaped) and a big assorted pack of chocolates (which I am devouring now as I write).
12. Bought my favorite perfume.
13. Took photos of huge Mickey and Minnie Mouse figures -- the magic of Disney is in Changi!.
14. Went to the Oasis -- a haven for weary travelers.

I am now lazily laying in lounge chair, accessing free wifi and eating chocolates. Lovely! What more can I ask for? Saan ka pa?!

I love Changi!


4:30 pm
07 December 2008 (Sunday)
Changi Airport, Singapore

Shoot from the gut

Shoot – verb. to capture, to fire (…a camera)
Gut – adj. of, relating to, or arising from one's mental or spiritual being


I’ve previously written an entry about having what it takes to be a photographer. I said in that entry, “Do you have what it takes?”.

What makes a good photographer? Is it the camera one is holding? Or maybe having a beautiful and photogenic subject in front of you?

One photo-hobbyist so aptly put into words… one just needs to “shoot from the gut”.

It’s not in the camera, gadgets or the subjects. It’s in one’s passion, commitment and dedication to capture the soul of a person, place or situation. Sabi nila, wala yan sa pana.

This is exactly what the group, Flickristasindios, have proven. They shoot from the gut, freezing moments and capturing beauty, sorrow, terror, ecstasy or agony.

On December 15, 2008, Flickristasindios will have their very first photo exhibit at the Cinema Level of the Trinoma Mall. Entitled THE INDIOS EXPERIENCE, it will showcase the photos of the group. Ms. Daphne Osena will formally open the exhibit.

These photographers have shot from their gut. In this exhibit, they will bare their souls. Come and celebrate with them life’s beauty, sorrow, terror, ecstasy and agony.

Flickristasindios link:

http://www.flickr.com/groups/flckristasindios/

(The group is looking for establishments who are willing to make x-deals with them for the opening of the exhibit. They are also asking for assistance from media friends to cover the said event.)


6:25 pm
26 November 2008
Wednesday
Fairview

Screening

Someone once told me, "Why do you always hold back?". My answer was, "I do not!".

But that same night, while I lay in bed, I assessed all the situations and relationships I've had. Only to finally realize that I do hold back. I hold out and resist to things, therefore making them non-spontaneous and painfully difficult.

I don't know why, and I can't even fathom when I started doing this. But one thing is for sure, I do hold back.

I screen my calls coming in through my landline. I have caller ID. So unless you tell me that you are calling, or unless I am familiar with the number flashing in the phone monitor, I won't pick up.

I have gazilion of pending invites from acquaintances in various social networking sites -- facebook, flickr, multiply, friendster, and other sites that I don't even bother to open. If I don't feel that you've been part of my life in any way, I don't see any reason for adding you in my network.

I don't give out my first name to guys (and generally to people) I meet in bars or parties. I usually give out my second name, Grace. They can google me all they want, and they will end up with a thousand hits of the name 'Grace'.

The same is true for my mobile number. I usually give out my Globe number to people who have the tendency to become bothersome or demanding. It's easier to ignore text messages and calls. I can always make an excuse that I don't check that line regularly (which is actually true).

I don't usually say 'I love you' to people I love -- whether friends, or lovers or family. My argument is that if they feel the same way, they will know how I feel about them.

I admit... I screen. I hold back. I resist.

I don't know when I'll stop screening, holding back or resisting. The truth is, I'm not even sure if I want to.


10:40 pm
20 November 2008
Thursday
Santiago City

Little Big Man

Today was a very interesting day for me.

A good friend asked me to join her in the launching of a music video of Lupang Hinirang. This very touching music video is about a boy who stumbled upon a small paper flag of the Philippines. The kid starts climbing a flag pole, and towards the end of the anthem, plants the little flag on top of the flag pole.

This slow version of the national anthem was sung by the Loboc Children’s Choir, and was directed by Mae Paner, a well known theater artist.

It was a touching video, accompanied with the angelic voices of the Loboc choir. It actually gave me goose bumps.

But this experience was nothing to the experience of finally meeting, shaking hands and posing for a picture with THE Jun Lozada.

On tv, he looks frail and small. But in person, he is not as tiny and wimpy as he registers on the boob tube. He was very friendly and accommodating. He readily said yes to our request to have our photos taken with him. He even retorted, “Sige, magpa-picture na tayo habang nasa labas pa ako. Baka ipakulong na nila ako eh.”

It’s a great day, to have finally met the BIG MAN. In my book, he belongs to the league of exceptional gentlemen – brave, committed and with integrity.


6:40 pm
10 November 2008
Monday
Mocha Blends (Teachers’ Village)
*free wifi, yehey!*

Dialogue

Here are some amusing exchanges. They may be factual, or may just be the product of my over-active imagination.

Dialogue # 1:
Juan: (whispers in her ear) I love you.
Juana: Chika!
(Kung di ka ba naman tanga. “I love you, too” ang dapat sagot!)

Dialogue # 2:
While inside a car, rain pouring outside, after a drinking spree, days before his wedding…
Pedro: Makakahanap ka din ng taong magmamahal sa iyo. Someone deserving of your love.
Petra: *sob* *iyak* *ngawa* *bumabaha ang luha*
(Eh girl, ano pa nga ba ang pwede mong sabihin? Umatungal ka na lang.)

Dialogue # 3:
Jane: Alam mo, crush kita dati.
John: Sana sinabi mo. Hindi ko man lang naramdaman.
(As if naman maibabalik pa ang nakaraan. Sows!)

Dialogue # 4:
Michael: You’re the only who truly knows me.
Michelle: Ah… eh…Talaga!? *disbelief*
(Koya, obvious ba, hindi ka type ni ate.)

Dialogue # 5:
Gelo: Bakit di ka pa nag-aasawa?
Gela: Mauna ka muna.
(In reality, ang gusting sabihin ng hitad… “dahil hinihintay kita”.)



10:35 pm
28 October 2008
Fairview

Enough!

*another free writing exercise*

Tonight, I say... enough!

This moment marks the end.

This is where I draw the line.

I say, leave me alone and let me be!

You are nothing more than a useless thought, so get out of the inner recesses of my brain.

I will not be swayed, and I say this with finality...

I purge you out of my system.

Good riddance.


12:50am
23 October 2008
Thursday
Fairview