Guilty Pleasures

Yes, I am guilty, without a doubt.

I confess to the fact that I have several quirks which others may find eccentric while others may find endearing.

These guilty pleasures of mine I’ve kept hidden for such a long time. But since lately, a lot of friends have decided to come out, I guess it’s time for me to let you in on some of my quirkiness.

Peep hole: For security purposes, I’ve installed a peephole in my unit. But I use this tiny hole in my door to spy on my neighbors. Not that I have a lot of interesting neighbors. In fact, in my floor, only 2 units are inhabited most of the time. 3 units, including mine, are like transient houses. And the other one is not occupied yet. But everytime I hear some noise or commotion outside my door, I use this peephole to peek into the lives of my neighbors.

New books: Since I was small, I love smelling new books. Whenever I’m in a bookstore, I almost always try to smell the pages of the books. The feeling is euphoric, bordering on being high.

Google: Maybe due to boredom (or vanity and narcissism), I’ve had this habit of googling my name. I get a pleasure of looking at the hits and the search results. That’s how I found out that some of my friends have been writing about me in their blogs.

Photos: Again, maybe because of vanity and narcissism, I have several ID-size digital pictures of myself. Ever since I started taking these medications, and have started noticing physical changes, I’ve had this habit of regularly (maybe once a week) taking self portraits and saving them in my laptop. I now have a folder of self portraits and mug-shots which I look at every once in a while to assess if there’s improvement in terms of the physical side effects of my medication.

Late night show: I am naturally an owl, a night person. However, since I am not allowed to stay up late (long story), I’ve tried to hit the bed at 10 or 11pm. But since I don’t have cable tv in my unit, I’ve had to make do with the local tv stations. And that’s when I discovered this late night talk show with Jojo Alejar. For those of you who don’t know him, Jojo A is a teen star back in the days (late 80s), and has been a fixture in the now-defunct teen variety show, That’s Entertainment. Now, in his 40s, he still sports the same hairstyle and cracks the same jokes. I got hooked on this show for 2 reasons – it’s a very short show (30 mins) and therefore has a very slim chance of being boring, and because it has no advertisements (how many shows don’t actually have ads!).


Chippy: Everyone (or at least all of my friends) knows that I love Chippy. But only very few actually know that I love Chippy (red, original flavor) with vinegar. It’ll even taste better with ground black pepper. Yummy!

Adobo: Almost all Filipinos love adobo (a dish of marinated meat seasoned with garlic, soy sauce, vinegar, black pepper and bay leaf). Filipinos also love to cook their adobo with a twist, therefore claiming that their version is better than others. Others add coconut milk, others add sugar or star anise and even sugar. But I love my adobo with ketchup. Don’t ask why… I just do.

Horoscopes: I know it may sound baduy, but I believe in horoscopes. I used to read the newspaper starting with the horoscope page. But now that I am more technologically savvy, I use the internet. I am enrolled in a daily horoscope and inspirational article services (OM). And another friend regularly sends out inspiring quotes from ‘The Universe’.

Chick flick: I love chick flicks! My favorite is Love Actually. And I usually love watching these during special occasions. See my previous entry (Chick Flick).

Cool fluffy pillows: As stated in my previous entry (Little Joys), I love fluffy pillows. What I did not say is that I love rubbing my foot against a soft, cool and fluffy pillow. This makes me really sleepy.

I could go on and on but I think I’ve said enough. I know my friends will understand. But I’m sure there’ll be those who will squirm in their seats and will probably refuse to talk to me again. So I will stop. But I would love to hear from you.
These are my guilty pleasures. What’s yours?


11:45am
26 March 2008
Santiago City

I Want to Be a Princess

Every little girl’s dream is to become a princess, with her own Prince Charming to sweep her off her feet, ride with her on a white royal horse, ride away to a huge and majestic castle, and live happily ever after.

Well… almost every little girl.

There are those who never wished to be a princess, and instead wanted to be an astronaut and fly to the moon.

There were those who wished to be a scientist and spend all day in the laboratory concocting colorful chemicals to cure all illnesses.

There were those who got addicted to the TV series “6 Million Dollar Man”, and wanted to become bionic and save lives.

There were those who wanted to become an anthropologist and explore the pyramids of Giza and the ruins of Pompeii.

I was this girl. I never wanted beauty, grace and riches. I wanted to become an astronaut, a scientist, a bionic woman and an anthropologist.

While other little girls were pretending to be princesses and fairies, I was pretending to be one of those who are training to fly a rocket ship at NASA space camps. While others were pretending to put on make-up on their faces, I was pretending to mix colorful concoctions which will be the magic medicine in the future. While my other playmates were watching Cinderella and other Disney movies, I was hooked on 6 Million Dollar Man, and wanted to have bionic vision and strength. While my classmates were reading Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys, I was reading anthropology books featuring ruins of ancient civilization and cities.

But now… I don’t want to be an astronaut, a scientist, bionic woman, nor an anthropologist.

I… want… to… be… a… princess!!!

Now, I want to wear pretty shoes and dresses, eat sumptuous food, go to fun places, attend grand balls and parties, do graceful things and be treated like a princess.

Did I digress? Did I suddenly become so flaky and banal?

I thought really hard and reflected. I think that my desire to become a princess is because I’ve felt how it is to be a non-Princess. I have already become, in one way or another, an astronaut, a scientist, bionic woman, and an anthropologist.

I have been an astronaut. Although I’ve never been on the moon, I have flown over land and sea, and over the clouds during my travels. I have mixed not chemicals, but colors in my painting palette, and have created works of art. I’ve been under the scalpel twice, but not to be bionic, but to become better. I am not an anthropologist, but I have been to places which are considered to be the cradle of civilization.

I have become all the things that I’ve always wanted, and more. So now, being a princess will just be a piece of cake. After all, I think I am already a princess. Who says that a princess can’t fly to the moon, concoct medical magic, discover ruins and become bionic?

So please rise up and give way to the princess.


08:05 pm
03 Mar 2008
Fairview, QC

Kamusta ka, UP?

Aaminin ko… when I was a freshman back in the ‘90s (won’t say what year hehehe), I used to be really proud to be an iska. Being the probinsyana that I was, I stayed in Kalayaan (the freshmen dormitory). Thus, my entire freshman life revolved around UP. I went to mass at the UP Chapel, had meals at the dorm or CASAA or shopping center. I took frequent walks around the academic oval and sunken garden. I bought UP stickers and pasted them on my books and folders (I didn’t have a car back then). I proudly wore UP shirts.

But after a year of studying, I realized that being in UP is not a bed of roses. I experienced a lot of not-so-pleasant things in UP. I had my first quatro (4), singko (5), incomplete and dropped. I have tried writing a song at the black of my blue book during an exam in Math 53 just to kill the time, so that my terror teacher would not castigate me for turning in a blank blue book. I have been wrongly accused by a teacher of plagerizing a book in one of my reports (of course, I proved him wrong, and I got a 1.25 in his class). I’ve been burned really bad not just in academics, but in a lot of things that a gullible probinsyana is not used to.

But… although UP may not be a bed of roses, it became my enclave, my shelter and my comfort zone. Until now, when I’m at the lowest of lows, I drive around UP. Just seeing the familiar trees, green grass, the old buildings and dormitory, smelling the familiar scents of the shopping center, and feeling the UP air, I suddenly become enveloped in a blanket of peace and quiet. It’s as if I have put on a cloak of invincibility. I leave the campus feeling lighter, calm and composed.

So a few days ago, I did what I’ve been wanting to do since a few months ago. I went to UP with the dyosas to shoot the Oblation. Sitting in front of the oblation, memories of my undergrad and graduate years came flooding back. I felt content just sitting at the Admin Building, shooting Oble in different angles, while waiting for the sun to set.

Salamat UP, for being very interesting, accommodating and open. I owe a lot of what I am today to you.


10:29 pm
26 Feb 2008
Fairview, QC

Unang Hirit

It's been a while since i saw the sunrise. It's been months ago that i woke up this early.

Today, i was up since 4am. I suddenly woke up from a very bad dream, and couldn't go back to sleep after.

So after an hour of tossing and turning in my bed, i decided to start my day... very early.

Today is February 25, a non-working holiday, the anniversary of the People Power revolution.

I looked out my window... the compound was very quiet, not a soul in sight. Not even the roving guard was on the street.

Suddenly, the silence was broken by 4 individuals, all male. They were walking towards the main gate of the compound. Looking closely, i noticed that 2 of them stopped walking, and kissed right there, at the middle of the road. As if on cue, the other couple did the same. I sighed, happy at the thought that at least 4 souls were happy and content today.

For i know that today, a lot of hearts will not be as happy. On the contrary, hearts will be pumping with rage, dissent and discontent. People will be marching on the streets. Prayers and litanies will be spoken. Fists will be held up in the air, clenched in anger and disgust.

It's half past 5. I turned on the tv to a local channel. Unang Hirit (an early morning/breakfast talk show) was about to start.

The hosts were criticizing Gloria Arroyo, the woman some call president. According to Gloria, the world cannot forgive the Philippines should there be another EDSA revolution.

I am now wondering if her comprehension and mental faculty is as wanting as her height. Doesn't she realize that what the world cannot forgive, is for Filipinos to completely abandon their passion to fight for the truth, accountability and democracy?

I do not want to agitate my heart some more, so i will stop ranting now.

I will just pleasantly go on with my day. I want to be blissfully ignorant and apathetic to the causes, struggles and advocacies of the marginalized Filipino people. This is what 30-something people today are good at, anyway.

This is certainly not my unang political hirit. But I certainly hope this is the last.


05:50 am
25 Feb 2008
Fairview, QC

We are the ones...

happy valentine's day everyone!

may today be like any ordinary day for you -- hopeful, blissful and love-filled.

here's a poem sent by a friend (salamat sa iyo, i'm sending this back to you). a deviation from the usual mushy stuff... but more relevant and grounded.

pat yourself on the back... smile at the mirror... stay happy... love yourself! remember, we are the ones we've been waiting for :)

----------------------------------------------------


*Message of the Hopi Elders of Arizona....


" We have been telling the people that this is the Eleventh Hour.
Now you must go back and tell the people that this is the Hour.
And there are things to be considered.
Where are you living? What are you doing?
What are your relationships? Are you in the right relation?
Where is your water? Know your garden.

It is time to speak your truth
Create your community. Be good to each other.
And do not look outside yourself for the leader.
This could be a good time!
There is a river flowing now very fast
It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid.
They will try to hold onto the shore.
They will feel they are being torn apart and they will suffer greatly.

Know the river has its destination.
The elders say we must let go of the shore, and push off and into the river,
Keep our eyes open, and our head above the water.
See who is in there with you and Celebrate.

At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally. Least of all ourselves.
For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt.

The time of the lone wolf is over, Gather yourselves!
Banish the word struggle from your attitude and your vocabulary.
All that you do now must be done in a sacred manner
And in celebration.

We are the ones we've been waiting for..."

From the Inside, Looking Out

I am back in my hometown. I am now in the same house that I grew up in. I am at this moment, looking out from the inside, from the same window of the house.

My earliest memory of this spot is when I was around 5 years old. It was a rainy day, and both my parents were out working. Thus, I was left with my yaya. I was looking out the window, and I distinctly remember three things – rain steadily pouring onto the roses and daisies in our garden, the song which goes “Standing by my window, listening for your call”, and the deep sadness that I felt.

Up to now, I never knew why I felt that sadness at such a young age. But every time I hear that song… standing by my window… listening for your call… that same feeling of sadness overcomes me, like a familiar blanket.

Today, I saw three familiar people pass by.

An old man with white hair passed by. I distinctly remember him because I used to hear my mom and tita talk about him every time he passes by. They say he never got married because he was drug dependent. I don’t know if he ever got married, nor if he was really on drugs. He looked old for his age. Was it the effect of the drugs? Was it because he didn’t have the motivation to live because he never felt loved?

A plump woman in her late 30’s also passed by. She has her 5 year old daughter in tow. She is my neighbor and my playmate’s older sister. She had an operation when she was in elementary. The doctor had to take out one of her ovaries. I think it’s a miracle that she was able to bear 2 children.

My 21 year old cousin also passed by. He’s in college now, and looking very different from the image I saw 20 years ago. As a baby, he was carried then by his yaya. But now, he’s all grown up to carry his own baby.

Time indeed changes everything and everyone. For some, time becomes their friend, but for some, their worst nemesis.

I hope that after 20 years, I can still sit by this same window, listen to the tapping of the falling rain, see familiar faces pass by, hear that same song in the radio, and feel that familiar but comforting feeling of sadness.


09:35 am
07 Feb 2008
Santiago City

Bahay na Pula

Since I was small, traveling from the province to manila, we've always passed by this "haunted house" in San Ildefonso, Bulacan. Little did i know that this haunted house is also called Bahay na Pula (Red House) because of the color of the stones used and also the roof.

I did some internet research about the house, and found that this house is actually haunted... not by ghosts, but by the gruesome crimes committed against young women during the world war.

The japanese soldiers used this house to violate the countless young women who are now known as comfort women.

I will never look at this house the same way again. it is indeed haunted... haunted by the scariest element there is... violations to human rights, self worth and respect.

06 Feb 2008
Santiago City

Lightbulb Moments

Have you had that moment… when everything seems so clear, when all your questions are answered, when all grey areas become either black or white, when you suddenly see a flicker of light in pitch black darkness? I call that a lightbulb moment.

How many times in the past have I had these moments, when I think of something very interesting, funny, or witty, as possible topics for my next blog entry. The weirdest thing is, I get these ideas in the most unlikely times and places – when I’m driving, when I’m taking a bath, when I’m trying to get a good night’s sleep, during the wee hours of the morning, when I’m doing something else.

It makes me want to get a pen and paper, or to turn on my laptop and write… write… and write, until my thirst for putting my thoughts into paper is quenched.

I also noticed that my best ideas (well, at least for me) are those that came from these lightbulb moments. My first blog entry, “Boylet”, was from a lightbulb moment – while I was in a toxic state in my previous organization, rushing a dozen of things for simultaneous deadlines.

“My Precious Stones” was written while my stomach was growling (before dinner), on Valentines Day hehehe.

“Van Gogh Wanna Be” was written in front of the tv in Penang, in between watching the local Malaysian channels and making chika with my housemates.

“Bagay sa iyo, Foreigner” was written while I was stuck and spooked in an old creepy (and haunted, I think) apartment in Sorsogon.

“Will Lightning Strike” was written while my cousins and I were on our way to Manila from Isabela.

Writing “Incoherence” was the first thing I did that one very cold morning.

I am hoping that I can still have more lightbulb moments, so I can still write, even without my muse.

P.S.
By the way, while I am writing this article, I am on Yahoo Chat with the dyosas, and also on the phone with my friend, Sienna.



03:15 pm
01 Feb
Santiago City

Dislocated

How many times in the past have you heard someone that they are “broken hearted”. Their hearts were broken into tiny bits by someone or something which happened in their lives.

Having one’s heart broken equates to a lot of sleepless nights, buckets of tears, marathon phone-calls-cum-therapy-session with friends, and bottles of San Mig Light, or nights spend with good ol’ pareng Carlo Rossi.

But what exactly does a “broken” heart mean? Broken means having one’s heart cut into irregular pieces, usually with the edges left rough and uneven. You cannot have something “broken” into smooth and even pieces. Breaking something equates to mess, chaos and confusion.

Having said that, I think I’ve only broken my heart twice – one with Guy # 1 (Spaghetti) and Guy # 3 (Liquid Seasoning). Confused? See my previous entry for explanations.

After Guy 3, I think that my heart decided to be unbreakable. This guy broke my heart into the smallest possible bits, leaving the most uneven and jagged pieces. It was so rough and jagged that I thought I would not be able to put back the pieces together. I did eventually, but not without tears, sleepless nights, and lots and lots of drinking sessions with friends. I wanted to drown myself in anything which could give me a temporary high.

After that horrible, horrible experience, I felt that my heart turn into something stronger, tougher almost unbreakable.

I still do feel pain and disappointment. But I would certainly not say that my heart is broken. I would say that after those dark ages, my heart became “dislocated” a few more times. I feel pain, but I know my heart’s still there somewhere, complete and unbroken. But it feels odd, because it doesn’t feel right. Somehow, my heart is not at the right place. I feel squirmish and uneasy because my things are not in order… unsettled.

Having one’s heart dislocated is far better than having it broken. If you had your heart dislocated, you know that in time, it’ll pop back into place, as good as new – nothing missing, nothing damaged.

Yes, at the moment, my heart is somewhere where it should not be. It is somewhere in the middle of nowhere, looking for something which can propel it back to where it should be… waiting for that energy to push away this lethargy. So here I am, sitting… waiting… wishing for my heart, and for my whole life, to “pop back” into place.

12:20 pm
24 Jan
Quezon City
(home sweet home)

Foodie

I loooove eating! I love food! I am what some would call a “foodie”. It gives me great joy to have a scrumptious meal. I find it comforting to eat something which satisfies my tastebuds.

Since I’m into looking back at my very colorful past, I will attempt to associate all guys that I’ve dated to food that first comes to mind.

Guy # 1 : Spaghetti
This guy is so versatile, like spaghetti. You can throw him anywhere, and people will love him. He sings, plays the guitar, plays the piano, artistic, witty, sweet, and smart. Like my love for spaghetti, I don’t get tired of this guy. I can be with him for days and not get bored.

Guy # 2 : Steak
This guy doesn’t fit the profile of someone whom I will go out with. He’s too high maintenance for my taste. I can have steak once in a while, but not all the time.

Guy # 3: Liquid Seasoning (brand: Knorr or Maggi)
This guy is what you would call the life of the party. He is adored by everyone – colleagues, friends and family. He makes all dishes more alive and brings out the best flavors. He is addictive, you can’t help but to have more of him. However, like the liquid seasoning, too much on your food is bad for your health.

Guy # 4 : Pork Asado (Braised Pork with Sweet-Salty Sauce)
This guy is surprisingly sweet, like asado sauce. Looking at him, he looks tough and strong. But deep inside, he’s as sweet as braised pork in asado sauce. But like steak, I can’t have asado on a regular basis.

Guy # 5 : Arroz Caldo (Rice Porridge)
This guy gets me, and I totally get him. We finish each others’ sentences, we like the same things, we are always on the same page. Like arroz caldo, I feel that I know him inside and out. No matter how many kinds of food I’ve tasted, arroz caldo will be the best comfort food for me.

Guy # 6 : Fried Rice
He is yesterday’s best, but is still considered as one of breakfast favorites. But not mine. I can live without fried rice. Not that it doesn’t taste good. Like the cliché goes… it’s not him… it’s me.

Guy # 7 : Boiled Egg
This guy is boring… well at least for me. Like boiled egg, I can live without it. In fact, I will only have boiled egg if there’s no other food around.

Guy # 8 : Chocolate cake
This guy is sooo sweet that I can have him for dessert. He’s actually too sweet like chocolate… it doesn’t leave a bad taste in the mouth. Even the most bitter chocolate is so deliciously sweet.

Guy # 9 : Sashimi
This guy is what you would consider as raw and rough. Having no other spices, the sashimi, although uncooked is one of the most enjoyable and filling food around. What you see is what you get… no frills at all. But he is too raw that I can’t stand to be with him all the time.

Guy # 10 : Kiamoy (Dried Salted Prunes)
I don’t get this guy. Sometimes, he’s sweet. At times, he’s detached. Actually, I am not a fan of kiamoy – the taste is too complicated for me.


Hmmm… Writing about men and food makes me hungry. Got to go… need to raid the fridge.


10:35pm
08 Jan
Santiago City

All New

2007 was a good year. may 2008 be better for all of you.

may your heart be warmer w/ love,
your body be blessed with health,
your spirit be filled with peace,
your lips be full of genuine smile and laughter,
your life be full of contentment.

here's a toast to a better life, good health, prosperous endevours, and lasting love... you deserve it.

happy new year, everyone!


09:25am
01 Jan 2007 (Tuesday)
Santiago City

My New Checklist

More than a year ago, i posted 10 things that i always look for in a guy. Please see the link below:
http://bampira-ako.blogspot.com/2006/05/my-checklist-ideal-guy.html

Now, after some reflection and with my new interests, i'm modifying my list. Here it is:
1. Should be funny and witty
2. Should be honest and faithful
3. Should be smart
4. Should know how to drive
5. Should know how to cook
6. Someone who can swim
7. Someone who can write... really well
8. Should have an interest in photography
9. Knows how to play a musical instrument
10. Must be taller than me

Happy new year everyone! May this coming year be a better one for all of us!


07:25pm
28 Dec
Santiago City

Chick Flick

It has been like a tradition for me to watch a chick flick during holiday seasons such as this. The past years, I've been watching Love Actually during xmas or new year's eve. Tonight, (evening of Dec 25), I watched Serendipity.

Watching hopeful romantic comedies makes this day more special for me. Amidst the countless number of jaded, hopeless and bruised souls, I find comfort in staying curled up in my bed, with warm sheets and cold fluffy pillows, with a bowl of vanilla ice cream while watching chick flicks... this is xmas for me -- believing in love, enjoying simple pleasures, being content with what I have, hoping for happy endings, and loving myself no matter what.

Everyone's out on parties. I declined to go, opting to stay home and cuddle up with my pillows and the remote control. I want to spend xmas with the person who I feel deserves most my love -- myself.

Have a merry xmas everyone! I hope each one of us finds that space in our hearts to let the love for ourselves flow freely.

May today bring you love, peace and hope which will envelope you like a blanket of color and fragrace... bringing joy, smiles and undying laughter.

Happy holidays!


07:35pm
Christmas evening
2007
Santiago City, Isabela

Tirisin ang nunal!

I have said this time and again… I am apolitical.

Being a “iskolar ng bayan”, one would expect that I have attended mobilizations and rallies when I was in college. Having worked for an NGO for almost 10 years, people actually expect me to be connected with a political organization or party.

That is why it comes as a surprise when I tell people that I have only attended one rally in my whole college life – and it was about the UP presidency, then my second and last rally was during Edsa 2. It comes as a greater surprise when I tell people that I am not even familiar with the spectrum of the political parties here in the Philippines.

I do not want to be affiliated with any political party or movement. I am content in my own apolitical world.

However, on days like this, I wish I was more political.

Tomorrow is Bonifacio day – the day of the nation’s true revolutionary hero. And today, the Magdalo group, headed by the charismatic Trillanes, decided that they (again) want to assert that they want change – a change in the government. The group, together with some civilians, like Guigona, Father Reyes and some civil society groups, have taken over Pensinsula Manila, and asked for Gloria to step down. I wanted to personally shake their hands to congratulate them. I know that there are millions of people who would want Gloria out of Malacanang, but only Trillanes (and the rest of his colleagues) actually have the balls to fearlessly (albeit recklessly) call for this change.

The paranoid government, through the blood-thirsty military, did an overkill by forcibly arresting Trillanes and his group, hurting civilians in the process. They even rammed a military vehicle in front of the hotel just to get inside! How stupid is that!!!

I am not feeling too well, but I wanted to go to Makati to show my support for the group! I wanted to slap Gloria in the face to make her realize that people don’t want her as president! I wanted to round up all her advisers and minions, and throw them all out to the sea!

Naiinis ako! Gusto kong tirisin si Gloria! Gusto kong alisin ang nunal nya! @*&&^$&*%!!!! Ahhh… it feels much better to say what I want in tagalog… mas may feelings.

I salute Guigona… for braving the rain, and supporting Trillanes. The poor, old man… he looked pale and sickly.

I salute the Magdalo soldiers… for not losing their idealism.

I salute Trillanes… for being reckless… for being charismatic… for being fearless. Trillanes, sir, I promise to vote for you for president, if you do intend to run in the future.

You have my vote… because you have the balls.


08:35 pm
29 Nov
Quezon City

Will Lightning Strike?

Several months back, I got a text from a friend. When I asked him if he was with someone, he said “No, still waiting for her. Who knows, lightning could strike”, or something to that effect. I honestly did not know what he was talking about. Was he going nuts, and wanted thousands of volts of electricity to pass through his body? Did he really want to get burned in the process? Did he want to experience the excruciating pain? Did he want to die?

A few days ago, Meet Joe Black was on cable tv. I’ve always wanted to watch this movie since last year. Aside from hunky Brad, my interest to watch this film was because my friend told me that his line (“Who knows, lightning could strike”), was from that movie.

Turned out the line was from Bill Parrish (Anthony Hopkins), the father of the lead actress, Joe’s (Pitt) love interest in the movie. Dad was giving her daughter some pointers about love and life. He said that love should be something really special, that she should fall in love with someone who she can love like crazy. He said that she should be swept away and levitate, to sing with rapture and be deliriously happy. She should run the risk. He was advising his daughter not to settle – for less, for crumbs, for just the ordinary. Then he said that line, “Stay open. Who knows, lightning could strike.”

Now I fully understand what my friend was talking about. There is wisdom in the father’s advice. Waiting for lightning to strike takes a lot of patience and maturity. Sometimes, it’s too tempting to just settle for what we see, not knowing that there is something really special which is intended for us. We go into a panic just because we don’t see any sign of lighting in the horizon. Sometimes, we get too preoccupied brooding over the dark clouds, that we immediately seek shelter, expecting strong rains or a storm. Sometimes, I think it’d better if we bravely face the dark clouds and wait patiently… for the lighting to strike. And if it doesn’t on the first try, we wait for it again the following day.

Lighting, like any other emotion, should not be something we should be afraid of. If it strikes, we should embrace it and be thankful that we experienced it. If it doesn’t, we patiently wait for it to come. If it struck the first time and got us really burned, we take it as one of life’s lessons and hope that it strikes again. Because this time, we know better.

But what if it doesn’t strike at all?



02:07 pm
17 Nov
Aritao, Nueva Vizcaya
(mobile)

Incoherence

Spring cleaning with sibling
Taking away old things and forgetting memories

Mother arrives
Looking for baby

Panics and looks for bleeding baby
Goes out of the room

Exchanged pleasantries with mother
Asked about a dear friend, made my heart feel warm

Looked for the baby
Orange monkeys abound

Monkeys touching me
Feigned calmness and non-panic

Big monkey kept touching, stroking, fondling
Stress and panic overcomes me

Found myself in bed
With monkey?

Not anymore
With an uglier beast called man

More touching, fondling, stroking
Can’t breath

The beast seemed like a familiar figure
Someone I’ve met

Tried to shout for help
Muffled cries came out

High pitched ringing in the background
A cloud of haze then darkness covered me

Opened my eyes
It was morning


09:20 am
02 Aug
Santiago City

Panic

Do you ever have that feeling of utter panic? That things will not be the same ever? That your life has suddenly decided to stop or run in reverse? That you will be alone and miserable for the rest of your life? That things will not be rosy and ideal for you?

I have that feeling now.

I hope this is just a feeling.


29 July 2007
Saturday
02:08 pm
Santiago City, Isabela

Salamat

I would like to tell all my wonderful friends that I feel so lucky to have them. I know this sounds really mushy, but they deserve to know that I appreciate the littlest things they do and say.

Salamat, wag sanang mapagod.


22 July 2007
Sunday
11:30 am
Santiago City, Isabela

Ubo ubo…

I’m sick.

I’ve been sick since 2 weeks ago.

I don’t want to be sick.

I’m sick of being sick.



12 July 2007
Thursday
09:10 pm
Fairview, Quezon City

The Sweety/Sweaty Experience

My friends and I have this habit of making people guess our real age. This is because we know that they would say that we look years younger that we actually are. We’re only 28 (go figure our real age hehehe), but we feel that we’re 23. That is why sometimes, we still do and say things that only 23 year olds would.

A few days ago, I, together with 2 other phenomenal dyosas went to Palawan for a huling-hirit-for-summer vacation. We had purchased our ticket way back in February to avail of the Cebu Pacific promo (P2,700 for a return ticket to Puerto Prinsesa!). And since we felt that we are still young, we decided to go backpacking. We took the ordinary bus from Puerto to El Nido. That’s 8 glorious hours of dust, dirt and sun.

We had fun in El Nido. We met a lot of very interesting people, saw a lot of lovely places and ate lots of cheap food.

On the way back from El Nido to Puerto, we took a different bus line, Sweety Transport (we took Eulen Joy Bus going to El Nido). 8 hours of bus ride, I can take. Maybe a flat tire or 2 would not bother me. But the supposedly Sweety experience became a really sweaty one.

The first Sweaty Experience: flat tire. This is not uncommon, really. And the driver and his minion were quite experienced in changing flat tires (I think they do this at least once every trip).

The second Sweaty Experience: no gas. How can people forget to load on gas??? We were all inside the bus, all sweaty, hot and frustrated. There were 3 Brits with us, 1 Irish lady, a European-sounding, but Asian-looking couple, mothers, fathers and a lot of noisy kids. The kunduktor was able to buy fuel from a nearby gasoline station, and in no time, we were on our way.

The third Sweaty Experience: machine break down. Flat tires and no gas – these can easily be solved. But what do we do when the engine decides to rest, permanently? I had a headache, backpain, and stomach ache. I never thought that it would be possible to feel even more frustrated, but I did. We couldn’t do much but to wait for another bus or jeepney to transfer to.

After almost one hour of waiting under the heat of the Palawan sun, we were able to hitch a ride in a pick-up truck. It was airconditioned inside, so it was pure bliss. Immediately, my headache and stomach ache miraculously disappeared.

So much for backpacking. Next time I go somewhere else, I would not dream of riding an ordinary bus. From now on, no more sweaty experience for me. And yes, from now on, no more lying about my age. I’m actually 30 (bwahahaha!).


04 July 2007
Wednesday
09:35 am
Fairview, Quezon City