Imeldific

I’ve been published!

It’s not something big, but hey, it’s my first published photo.

Months ago, I got an email from a Malaysian publishing house. They told me that they are publishing a new travel book for Malaysia, in time for the 50th year of Malaysia’s Independence, and they wanted to use one of my photos which they saw on my flickr page (see http://www.flickr.com/photos/norlygrace/2255962129/).

I took this photo while I was still based in Penang, Malaysia, with Ixty, my trusty point and shoot Canon Ixus 60 camera.

It was a weekend, and Joolie, our Malaysian-Chinese colleague invited me and Marjo to explore the Sunday market at Upper Penang Road. They called this Sunday market/exhibit, Little Penang.


Little Penang had stalls offering various stuff from all over Penang – food, clothes, ornaments, antiques and other wares. Artists and photographers abound. Music from local bands and poetry reading and history-telling entertained the tourists, foreign and locals alike.

One of the things which captured my interests were these very small wooden shoes. I really had no idea what these were for, I guess just for design or for small gifts and mementos. I found them really cute. I wanted to take some photos since they remind me so much of something that Marikina would make. The guy in charge of the stall was nice enough to let me take some photos.

I posted it in my flickr page and called it “Imeldific”, in reference to the former First Lady of this country, who became famous (or should I say infamous) because of her fetish for shoes.


I am so happy they found my photo nice enough to be published. Last week, I got my copy of the book. I wasn’t paid for the photo, but they were nice enough to give me a complimentary copy. When the doorbell rang last Saturday, and I saw this guy from TNT carrying a small package, my heart nearly jumped out of my chest. I knew that TNT was the courier usually used by offices in Malaysia. I was grinning ear to ear as I was opening the package. And my smile grew even wider when I saw my Imeldific photo on the 2nd page of the book! (see photo on the lower right part) And I saw it again in the middle of the book, this time, with my name and a link to this blogsite.


Salamat sa pagiging adik ko sa photography.

Thanks to the Malaysian publishing company for coming up with the “50+1 Malaysia” project.

Thanks to Imelda, for being a shoe addict.

Thanks to Penang, for having very interesting things for my camera to capture.


10:45 pm
24 August 2008
Fairview

Qua Chee

One of the things I miss about Penang is the food. Among my favorites are Bah Kuah, Belacan Rice, Poh Piah, Teh Ice and Qua Chee (Sunflower seeds). Actually, I don’t know how it’s spelled. So pardon me for any errors.

Imagine my surprise when I saw sunflower seeds in a local grocery. It was not the usual sunflower seed brand that we see here in the Philippines. It’s the brand from China – brown paper packaging, red prints, Chinese characters… it’s the real thing! It’s the same brand I voraciously devour in Penang.

Me so happy!


01:10 am
17 August 2008
Fairview

Wishes

Our lolas used to tell us "be careful what you wish for." When I was younger, I thought this advice sounded pretty stupid. Why should I be careful of something that I wished would happen? Isn't that the whole point of wishing? For it to happen?

Little did I know that she meant something else. Pero naman naman... bakit naman kasi? She should have just told me -- "if you wish for something, make it specific. In fact, make it very, very specific."

Case # 1:

When I was about 8 years old, my parents forced me to take piano lessons. We didn't have a piano or an electric organ, and I badly wanted to have one.

I remember praying to Jesus every night: "Dear Jesus, sana po, magkaroon ako ng sariling electric organ. Please po, Jesus. Promise that I will be a good girl".

And what do you know? I got my wish alright... after more than a decade.

Lesson: When you make a wish, include a timeline.


Case # 2:

When I was in highschool, I had a crush on a classmate. I will not even give the slightest clue as to the identity of this guy. I am certain that people (including this narcissistic guy) would tease me mercilessly and perpetually about it. So I won’t tell.

I remember praying to Jesus: "Jesus, I wish na maging close kami ni *guy*. Please po. Good girl naman po ako eh".

And tadah!... we became close and chummy... but after half a decade. It would not have been too late, since we were still in our late teens then, but I knew this guy too well by this time, that I never had a single iota of interest in him anymore. I like him as a friend yes, but I can never imagine kissing him. Yuck!

Lesson: When you make a wish, include a timeline, and a caveat, like: "Jesus, I wish maging close kami ni *guy*. But if we become close, make sure that I don't get turned off with him."


Case #3:

Almost every girl dreams of having a meaningful and serious conversation with a guy she's physically attracted to.

I remember wishing: "God, I hope to find someone I whom can talk to all night. Someone I am attracted to. I know I've made mistakes in the past, but I'll try to do better. Thank you!"

And like everyone says, God is a giving God. On a clear night, this cute guy spent the whole night at my place. We listened to music and talked about things that mattered -- to him, to me. We talked about the future... and as the moon set, it became clearer that this future does not include the picture of him and me together. We talked about his future, since he's getting hitched soon.

Lesson: When you make a wish, include a timeline, and a caveat, and make it specific, like: "God, I hope to find someone that I can talk to all night. Someone I am attracted to. Someone whom I can spend the future with."


Case # 4:

I can say that having experienced the 3 previous cases, I've learned my lesson pretty well. Therefore, I started to ask for something specific and realistic.

I said: "God, please help me find a decent guy. Someone charming, funny and witty. Someone who can commit and is faithful. Someone who has passion and principles. Someone who loves me and wants to spend days and nights with me. I know that I am not perfect, but I am not asking for the perfect guy. But give me someone perfect for me".

I am really proud of this prayer -- very realistic, specific, humble and grounded.

And I guess the Lord sensed my sincerity and maturity. I met a guy who is charming, funny, witty, smart, committed, faithful, talented, passionate, principled, and helpful. Someone who loves me and wants to spend time with me. He may not be perfect, but he is the perfect embodiment of the guy I asked for. He is, as some might say, the "answer to my prayers".

But there is one catch... he is gay.

He loves me though, and I love him more. He even told me... "Ate, kung bading ka lang, sana naging tayo na."

Lesson: When you make a wish, include a timeline, and a caveat, and make it specific... very, very specific.

Darn! I should have mentioned “heterosexual” in my prayer.


10:25 pm
07 July 2008
Fairview

Checking in

I haven’t written for quite a while. Basically because I don’t know what to write about. There are so many things happening… too many thoughts in my head… to many emotions unsettled.

I need more time to process things.

I need more space to sort things out.
I need more energy for spring cleaning.

If this entry is very tentative, it’s because I’m just checking in.



04:56pm
05 July 2008
Fairview

Juday and Ces

As of 3:50pm, June 19, 2008 (Thursday), the Filipino internet-reading public decided that Juday is more interesting than Ces.

Judy Ann Santos' lovelife is more interesting than Ces Orena-Drilon's harrowing ordeal as a captive of the Abu Sayyaf Group in the forests of Mindanao.

This is evident according the Philippine Daily Inquirer's website (http://www.inquirer.net/). Under the 'Most Read' tab, the story of Ces' and her team's captivity (2nd most interesting) was less interesting than Juday's rumored break-up with beau Ryan Agoncillo (top most interesting).

What has the world come to?

Ganito na ba talaga tayo?

Sad... so sad...


04:00 pm
Thurs
June 19, 2008
Santiago City, Isabela
(Kiddie Toes Montessori School)

Ka Bel

I've always said that I am apolitical.

I have no political color or affiliation.

I studied in UP Diliman, but i only got to attend one rally in my entire college life.

I never understood the diversity of the spectrum of the philippine political parties and movements.

I've never met any tibak or political leader in my entire life, not until 2 years ago.

Because of my short stint in malaysia, I got to meet political leaders and community leaders.

It's only recently that I knew about Ka Bel. I never met him personally, but I heard stories about him from friends.

My being apolitical and detached didn't hinder me from shedding tears (buckets of tears actually) every time I read articles or watch programs about his life.

The article below is another tear-jerker for me.

I remember a conversation I had with my father the day Ka Bel died. I told him that I wished that Ka Bel died in the streets. My father said that his death proves one thing: that Ka Bel represents the ordinary Filipino -- fighting the daily struggle of life.

I never knew Ka Bel, but I felt empathy for the old man. I know that I will never achieve his political awareness and stature. But I would just like to pay my respects to a great man. Saludo ako sa iyo, Ka Bel.

===========

http://allecoallende.wordpress.com/2008/05/21/regrets/

According to Anakpawis Party-List staff, Ka Bel’s remains will be brought to the House of Representatives on Tuesday morning, May 27, for the protocol necrological services. Prior to that, however, there will be a series of tributes for him beginning today, May 21 up to the 26th at the Iglesia Filipina Independiente Cathedral in Taft Ave across the Philppine General Hospital. His body will be brought there later tonight from Bulacan.

I don’t know if I will be able to go tonight because, well, it’s kind of hard to walk, and I’m not sure am up to saying goodbye to a man I loved like a grandfather. Baka bumulahaw ako ng iyak - e iyakin pa naman ako ngayon!

I wrote his speeches and press releases and resolutions and bills and feature articles about him, and through all those pages and pages of words, words, words I got to know him deeply. We talked about his life and we talked about work. We talked about his family and we gossiped about other people (Ka Bel was pilyo — he liked gossip of the political sort, sure; but he wasn’t above listening to your run-of-the-mill, garden variety chismis about people we knew: whom broke up with whom and why; the argument that broke out between so and so; who has a crush on whom, that sort of thing. Of course he was never mean, and he was no blabber-mouth, but he did laugh, even as he promised-cross-his-fingers-hoped-to-die that he would not tell anyone. Hahahaha!).

He was my main ninong sa kasal in Quezon City Hall in 2005, and when my father died in 2003, Ka Bel travelled all the way to Santiago, Isabela where my father’s remains were to condole with my mother and the rest of our family.He polished his own shoes, darned the holes in his pants and barong, cleaned his own desk and put his files and reading materials in order in himself. He washed his own dishes (pag hindi siya naunahan ng staff) and made his own coffee.

Well, for a time he didn’t make his own coffee because of a mistake he made with the containers. He tipped a teaspoon of instant coffee and half a teaspoon of brown powder into his mug, mixed it with water, stirred it, took a sip, and his lips puckered.

“Ne, bakit ang asim ng kape?”

“Po? Paanong maasim?”

He points to a small jar with brown powder. “Baka yung asukal sira na? Pero hindi nasisira ang asukal…”: I take the jar, take off the lid and sniff the jar’s contents: sour and pungent. I know it’s not sugar.

“Ka Bel, iced tea yan!

”Ka Bel never had money in his wallet - most of his allowance he gave to his wife, Ka Osang, and whatever was left he often gave away to people who walked up to him and asked for financial aid. It was sometimes frustrating the way he was too generous, even with the fake media photographers/reporters in Congress who badgered him to buy unfocused, blurry pictures they took of him while speaking in plenary — naaawa daw siya. He was also quite frugal. Some of his efforts were even quite extreme: he one time cut a shoe lace into two pieces, used both to tie his leather shoes and then he kept the other uncut shoe lace.

“Bakit ninyo ginupit?!” I asked, aghast when I found him at his desk burning the ends of one severed shoe lace to make sure that the ends wouldn’t unravel and fit into his shoe eyelets.

“Para may isa pa akong bagong pares ng tali pag naluma na ito.”

“Jusme, Ka Bel naman mura lang ang sintas!”

He just smiled his bright, bright smile.

Isang taon

Isang taon na ako dito sa pinas!

It’s exactly one year from now that my Singapore Airline plane landed in Manila from Penang.

It’s exactly one year from now that I’ve been away from Penang.

It’s exactly one year from now that I haven’t:
1. seen Xin Ying
2. been in Mr. Hanifa’s teksi
3. tasted poh piah (the Chinese version of the fresh lumpia)
4. seen the sunrise in our 16th floor apartment in Greenlane
5. seen the beauty of the Penang Bridge

There are so many things, places and faces that I haven’t seen for the longest time. But many things have happened to me here in the Philippines. The past year has been a really eventful one.

Tomorrow is the 22nd. I’m a year wiser, far stronger and with more genuine friends.


11:42pm
21 May 2008
Santiago City

Adik

Ako’y isang adik.

Adik sa photography.

Since 2 years ago, I’ve told my friends (and even wrote an article about it) about my addiction to photography.


I’ve had minor addictions – playing the guitar, cooking, sketching and painting, boxing, etc – but never has my addiction gone this far.

Here’s a proof of my addiction… everytime I go out and look outside the car window, I try to “compose” the objects. I usually look at things thinking if they would look good using the camera’s frame.


Another proof… I now have a new baby. After Ixty (my Canon Ixus 60), I now have Ampy (my new Canon DSLR). Now, I really can’t afford a DSLR. But I thought, hey, life is short. Carpe diem! So when I was in KL last December, I went to Ampang Point Mall (thus, the name Ampy), fished out my credit card, and not thinking twice (pikit-mata), swiped it in exchange for my beloved Ampy. Bahala na si batman! I know the well will never go dry, there will be loaves and baskets-full of fishes. Now, Ampy is my precious… my most beloved and priced possession.


I told a photography buddy that I have been dreaming of taking photos of things. Even in my dreams, I carry with me my beloved camera, Ampy (and sometimes Ixty, too) and shoot away. Just last night, I dreamt that I was in a small island off Phuket, and was cradling Ampy while balancing the small boat I was in.


I am now seriously considering having a very major career shift, a radical sabbatical of sorts. I really want to be a photographer. I want to take portraits of people and capture their emotions and immortalize their feelings. I want to take photos of beautiful places and breathtaking landscapes so that people will see how lovely they are. I want people to remember happy memories and candid moments on occasions that are special to them.


Here are some more proof of my addiction:
Photo 1: Lee-Anne (La Mesa Ecopark photo shoot with Flickristasindios buddies)
Photo 2: Vincent (a starry night in Sta Ana, Cagayan)
Photo 3: Ambuklao (photo of the river in Ambuklao Dam in Benguet)
Photo 4: Beach at night (a beach in Pangasinan)
Photo 5: Batanes?... not! (taken from Palaui Island in Sta Ana, Cagayan)

I never want to be rehabilitated. I want to remain addicted forever. I’m proud to say… ako’y isang adik!


09:55pm
28 April 2008
Santiago City

(I didn’t realize that my last entry was a month ago! Tsk tsk, this is bad. I need to have another addiction… adik sa blog.)

Guilty Pleasures

Yes, I am guilty, without a doubt.

I confess to the fact that I have several quirks which others may find eccentric while others may find endearing.

These guilty pleasures of mine I’ve kept hidden for such a long time. But since lately, a lot of friends have decided to come out, I guess it’s time for me to let you in on some of my quirkiness.

Peep hole: For security purposes, I’ve installed a peephole in my unit. But I use this tiny hole in my door to spy on my neighbors. Not that I have a lot of interesting neighbors. In fact, in my floor, only 2 units are inhabited most of the time. 3 units, including mine, are like transient houses. And the other one is not occupied yet. But everytime I hear some noise or commotion outside my door, I use this peephole to peek into the lives of my neighbors.

New books: Since I was small, I love smelling new books. Whenever I’m in a bookstore, I almost always try to smell the pages of the books. The feeling is euphoric, bordering on being high.

Google: Maybe due to boredom (or vanity and narcissism), I’ve had this habit of googling my name. I get a pleasure of looking at the hits and the search results. That’s how I found out that some of my friends have been writing about me in their blogs.

Photos: Again, maybe because of vanity and narcissism, I have several ID-size digital pictures of myself. Ever since I started taking these medications, and have started noticing physical changes, I’ve had this habit of regularly (maybe once a week) taking self portraits and saving them in my laptop. I now have a folder of self portraits and mug-shots which I look at every once in a while to assess if there’s improvement in terms of the physical side effects of my medication.

Late night show: I am naturally an owl, a night person. However, since I am not allowed to stay up late (long story), I’ve tried to hit the bed at 10 or 11pm. But since I don’t have cable tv in my unit, I’ve had to make do with the local tv stations. And that’s when I discovered this late night talk show with Jojo Alejar. For those of you who don’t know him, Jojo A is a teen star back in the days (late 80s), and has been a fixture in the now-defunct teen variety show, That’s Entertainment. Now, in his 40s, he still sports the same hairstyle and cracks the same jokes. I got hooked on this show for 2 reasons – it’s a very short show (30 mins) and therefore has a very slim chance of being boring, and because it has no advertisements (how many shows don’t actually have ads!).


Chippy: Everyone (or at least all of my friends) knows that I love Chippy. But only very few actually know that I love Chippy (red, original flavor) with vinegar. It’ll even taste better with ground black pepper. Yummy!

Adobo: Almost all Filipinos love adobo (a dish of marinated meat seasoned with garlic, soy sauce, vinegar, black pepper and bay leaf). Filipinos also love to cook their adobo with a twist, therefore claiming that their version is better than others. Others add coconut milk, others add sugar or star anise and even sugar. But I love my adobo with ketchup. Don’t ask why… I just do.

Horoscopes: I know it may sound baduy, but I believe in horoscopes. I used to read the newspaper starting with the horoscope page. But now that I am more technologically savvy, I use the internet. I am enrolled in a daily horoscope and inspirational article services (OM). And another friend regularly sends out inspiring quotes from ‘The Universe’.

Chick flick: I love chick flicks! My favorite is Love Actually. And I usually love watching these during special occasions. See my previous entry (Chick Flick).

Cool fluffy pillows: As stated in my previous entry (Little Joys), I love fluffy pillows. What I did not say is that I love rubbing my foot against a soft, cool and fluffy pillow. This makes me really sleepy.

I could go on and on but I think I’ve said enough. I know my friends will understand. But I’m sure there’ll be those who will squirm in their seats and will probably refuse to talk to me again. So I will stop. But I would love to hear from you.
These are my guilty pleasures. What’s yours?


11:45am
26 March 2008
Santiago City

I Want to Be a Princess

Every little girl’s dream is to become a princess, with her own Prince Charming to sweep her off her feet, ride with her on a white royal horse, ride away to a huge and majestic castle, and live happily ever after.

Well… almost every little girl.

There are those who never wished to be a princess, and instead wanted to be an astronaut and fly to the moon.

There were those who wished to be a scientist and spend all day in the laboratory concocting colorful chemicals to cure all illnesses.

There were those who got addicted to the TV series “6 Million Dollar Man”, and wanted to become bionic and save lives.

There were those who wanted to become an anthropologist and explore the pyramids of Giza and the ruins of Pompeii.

I was this girl. I never wanted beauty, grace and riches. I wanted to become an astronaut, a scientist, a bionic woman and an anthropologist.

While other little girls were pretending to be princesses and fairies, I was pretending to be one of those who are training to fly a rocket ship at NASA space camps. While others were pretending to put on make-up on their faces, I was pretending to mix colorful concoctions which will be the magic medicine in the future. While my other playmates were watching Cinderella and other Disney movies, I was hooked on 6 Million Dollar Man, and wanted to have bionic vision and strength. While my classmates were reading Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys, I was reading anthropology books featuring ruins of ancient civilization and cities.

But now… I don’t want to be an astronaut, a scientist, bionic woman, nor an anthropologist.

I… want… to… be… a… princess!!!

Now, I want to wear pretty shoes and dresses, eat sumptuous food, go to fun places, attend grand balls and parties, do graceful things and be treated like a princess.

Did I digress? Did I suddenly become so flaky and banal?

I thought really hard and reflected. I think that my desire to become a princess is because I’ve felt how it is to be a non-Princess. I have already become, in one way or another, an astronaut, a scientist, bionic woman, and an anthropologist.

I have been an astronaut. Although I’ve never been on the moon, I have flown over land and sea, and over the clouds during my travels. I have mixed not chemicals, but colors in my painting palette, and have created works of art. I’ve been under the scalpel twice, but not to be bionic, but to become better. I am not an anthropologist, but I have been to places which are considered to be the cradle of civilization.

I have become all the things that I’ve always wanted, and more. So now, being a princess will just be a piece of cake. After all, I think I am already a princess. Who says that a princess can’t fly to the moon, concoct medical magic, discover ruins and become bionic?

So please rise up and give way to the princess.


08:05 pm
03 Mar 2008
Fairview, QC

Kamusta ka, UP?

Aaminin ko… when I was a freshman back in the ‘90s (won’t say what year hehehe), I used to be really proud to be an iska. Being the probinsyana that I was, I stayed in Kalayaan (the freshmen dormitory). Thus, my entire freshman life revolved around UP. I went to mass at the UP Chapel, had meals at the dorm or CASAA or shopping center. I took frequent walks around the academic oval and sunken garden. I bought UP stickers and pasted them on my books and folders (I didn’t have a car back then). I proudly wore UP shirts.

But after a year of studying, I realized that being in UP is not a bed of roses. I experienced a lot of not-so-pleasant things in UP. I had my first quatro (4), singko (5), incomplete and dropped. I have tried writing a song at the black of my blue book during an exam in Math 53 just to kill the time, so that my terror teacher would not castigate me for turning in a blank blue book. I have been wrongly accused by a teacher of plagerizing a book in one of my reports (of course, I proved him wrong, and I got a 1.25 in his class). I’ve been burned really bad not just in academics, but in a lot of things that a gullible probinsyana is not used to.

But… although UP may not be a bed of roses, it became my enclave, my shelter and my comfort zone. Until now, when I’m at the lowest of lows, I drive around UP. Just seeing the familiar trees, green grass, the old buildings and dormitory, smelling the familiar scents of the shopping center, and feeling the UP air, I suddenly become enveloped in a blanket of peace and quiet. It’s as if I have put on a cloak of invincibility. I leave the campus feeling lighter, calm and composed.

So a few days ago, I did what I’ve been wanting to do since a few months ago. I went to UP with the dyosas to shoot the Oblation. Sitting in front of the oblation, memories of my undergrad and graduate years came flooding back. I felt content just sitting at the Admin Building, shooting Oble in different angles, while waiting for the sun to set.

Salamat UP, for being very interesting, accommodating and open. I owe a lot of what I am today to you.


10:29 pm
26 Feb 2008
Fairview, QC

Unang Hirit

It's been a while since i saw the sunrise. It's been months ago that i woke up this early.

Today, i was up since 4am. I suddenly woke up from a very bad dream, and couldn't go back to sleep after.

So after an hour of tossing and turning in my bed, i decided to start my day... very early.

Today is February 25, a non-working holiday, the anniversary of the People Power revolution.

I looked out my window... the compound was very quiet, not a soul in sight. Not even the roving guard was on the street.

Suddenly, the silence was broken by 4 individuals, all male. They were walking towards the main gate of the compound. Looking closely, i noticed that 2 of them stopped walking, and kissed right there, at the middle of the road. As if on cue, the other couple did the same. I sighed, happy at the thought that at least 4 souls were happy and content today.

For i know that today, a lot of hearts will not be as happy. On the contrary, hearts will be pumping with rage, dissent and discontent. People will be marching on the streets. Prayers and litanies will be spoken. Fists will be held up in the air, clenched in anger and disgust.

It's half past 5. I turned on the tv to a local channel. Unang Hirit (an early morning/breakfast talk show) was about to start.

The hosts were criticizing Gloria Arroyo, the woman some call president. According to Gloria, the world cannot forgive the Philippines should there be another EDSA revolution.

I am now wondering if her comprehension and mental faculty is as wanting as her height. Doesn't she realize that what the world cannot forgive, is for Filipinos to completely abandon their passion to fight for the truth, accountability and democracy?

I do not want to agitate my heart some more, so i will stop ranting now.

I will just pleasantly go on with my day. I want to be blissfully ignorant and apathetic to the causes, struggles and advocacies of the marginalized Filipino people. This is what 30-something people today are good at, anyway.

This is certainly not my unang political hirit. But I certainly hope this is the last.


05:50 am
25 Feb 2008
Fairview, QC

We are the ones...

happy valentine's day everyone!

may today be like any ordinary day for you -- hopeful, blissful and love-filled.

here's a poem sent by a friend (salamat sa iyo, i'm sending this back to you). a deviation from the usual mushy stuff... but more relevant and grounded.

pat yourself on the back... smile at the mirror... stay happy... love yourself! remember, we are the ones we've been waiting for :)

----------------------------------------------------


*Message of the Hopi Elders of Arizona....


" We have been telling the people that this is the Eleventh Hour.
Now you must go back and tell the people that this is the Hour.
And there are things to be considered.
Where are you living? What are you doing?
What are your relationships? Are you in the right relation?
Where is your water? Know your garden.

It is time to speak your truth
Create your community. Be good to each other.
And do not look outside yourself for the leader.
This could be a good time!
There is a river flowing now very fast
It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid.
They will try to hold onto the shore.
They will feel they are being torn apart and they will suffer greatly.

Know the river has its destination.
The elders say we must let go of the shore, and push off and into the river,
Keep our eyes open, and our head above the water.
See who is in there with you and Celebrate.

At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally. Least of all ourselves.
For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt.

The time of the lone wolf is over, Gather yourselves!
Banish the word struggle from your attitude and your vocabulary.
All that you do now must be done in a sacred manner
And in celebration.

We are the ones we've been waiting for..."

From the Inside, Looking Out

I am back in my hometown. I am now in the same house that I grew up in. I am at this moment, looking out from the inside, from the same window of the house.

My earliest memory of this spot is when I was around 5 years old. It was a rainy day, and both my parents were out working. Thus, I was left with my yaya. I was looking out the window, and I distinctly remember three things – rain steadily pouring onto the roses and daisies in our garden, the song which goes “Standing by my window, listening for your call”, and the deep sadness that I felt.

Up to now, I never knew why I felt that sadness at such a young age. But every time I hear that song… standing by my window… listening for your call… that same feeling of sadness overcomes me, like a familiar blanket.

Today, I saw three familiar people pass by.

An old man with white hair passed by. I distinctly remember him because I used to hear my mom and tita talk about him every time he passes by. They say he never got married because he was drug dependent. I don’t know if he ever got married, nor if he was really on drugs. He looked old for his age. Was it the effect of the drugs? Was it because he didn’t have the motivation to live because he never felt loved?

A plump woman in her late 30’s also passed by. She has her 5 year old daughter in tow. She is my neighbor and my playmate’s older sister. She had an operation when she was in elementary. The doctor had to take out one of her ovaries. I think it’s a miracle that she was able to bear 2 children.

My 21 year old cousin also passed by. He’s in college now, and looking very different from the image I saw 20 years ago. As a baby, he was carried then by his yaya. But now, he’s all grown up to carry his own baby.

Time indeed changes everything and everyone. For some, time becomes their friend, but for some, their worst nemesis.

I hope that after 20 years, I can still sit by this same window, listen to the tapping of the falling rain, see familiar faces pass by, hear that same song in the radio, and feel that familiar but comforting feeling of sadness.


09:35 am
07 Feb 2008
Santiago City

Bahay na Pula

Since I was small, traveling from the province to manila, we've always passed by this "haunted house" in San Ildefonso, Bulacan. Little did i know that this haunted house is also called Bahay na Pula (Red House) because of the color of the stones used and also the roof.

I did some internet research about the house, and found that this house is actually haunted... not by ghosts, but by the gruesome crimes committed against young women during the world war.

The japanese soldiers used this house to violate the countless young women who are now known as comfort women.

I will never look at this house the same way again. it is indeed haunted... haunted by the scariest element there is... violations to human rights, self worth and respect.

06 Feb 2008
Santiago City

Lightbulb Moments

Have you had that moment… when everything seems so clear, when all your questions are answered, when all grey areas become either black or white, when you suddenly see a flicker of light in pitch black darkness? I call that a lightbulb moment.

How many times in the past have I had these moments, when I think of something very interesting, funny, or witty, as possible topics for my next blog entry. The weirdest thing is, I get these ideas in the most unlikely times and places – when I’m driving, when I’m taking a bath, when I’m trying to get a good night’s sleep, during the wee hours of the morning, when I’m doing something else.

It makes me want to get a pen and paper, or to turn on my laptop and write… write… and write, until my thirst for putting my thoughts into paper is quenched.

I also noticed that my best ideas (well, at least for me) are those that came from these lightbulb moments. My first blog entry, “Boylet”, was from a lightbulb moment – while I was in a toxic state in my previous organization, rushing a dozen of things for simultaneous deadlines.

“My Precious Stones” was written while my stomach was growling (before dinner), on Valentines Day hehehe.

“Van Gogh Wanna Be” was written in front of the tv in Penang, in between watching the local Malaysian channels and making chika with my housemates.

“Bagay sa iyo, Foreigner” was written while I was stuck and spooked in an old creepy (and haunted, I think) apartment in Sorsogon.

“Will Lightning Strike” was written while my cousins and I were on our way to Manila from Isabela.

Writing “Incoherence” was the first thing I did that one very cold morning.

I am hoping that I can still have more lightbulb moments, so I can still write, even without my muse.

P.S.
By the way, while I am writing this article, I am on Yahoo Chat with the dyosas, and also on the phone with my friend, Sienna.



03:15 pm
01 Feb
Santiago City

Dislocated

How many times in the past have you heard someone that they are “broken hearted”. Their hearts were broken into tiny bits by someone or something which happened in their lives.

Having one’s heart broken equates to a lot of sleepless nights, buckets of tears, marathon phone-calls-cum-therapy-session with friends, and bottles of San Mig Light, or nights spend with good ol’ pareng Carlo Rossi.

But what exactly does a “broken” heart mean? Broken means having one’s heart cut into irregular pieces, usually with the edges left rough and uneven. You cannot have something “broken” into smooth and even pieces. Breaking something equates to mess, chaos and confusion.

Having said that, I think I’ve only broken my heart twice – one with Guy # 1 (Spaghetti) and Guy # 3 (Liquid Seasoning). Confused? See my previous entry for explanations.

After Guy 3, I think that my heart decided to be unbreakable. This guy broke my heart into the smallest possible bits, leaving the most uneven and jagged pieces. It was so rough and jagged that I thought I would not be able to put back the pieces together. I did eventually, but not without tears, sleepless nights, and lots and lots of drinking sessions with friends. I wanted to drown myself in anything which could give me a temporary high.

After that horrible, horrible experience, I felt that my heart turn into something stronger, tougher almost unbreakable.

I still do feel pain and disappointment. But I would certainly not say that my heart is broken. I would say that after those dark ages, my heart became “dislocated” a few more times. I feel pain, but I know my heart’s still there somewhere, complete and unbroken. But it feels odd, because it doesn’t feel right. Somehow, my heart is not at the right place. I feel squirmish and uneasy because my things are not in order… unsettled.

Having one’s heart dislocated is far better than having it broken. If you had your heart dislocated, you know that in time, it’ll pop back into place, as good as new – nothing missing, nothing damaged.

Yes, at the moment, my heart is somewhere where it should not be. It is somewhere in the middle of nowhere, looking for something which can propel it back to where it should be… waiting for that energy to push away this lethargy. So here I am, sitting… waiting… wishing for my heart, and for my whole life, to “pop back” into place.

12:20 pm
24 Jan
Quezon City
(home sweet home)

Foodie

I loooove eating! I love food! I am what some would call a “foodie”. It gives me great joy to have a scrumptious meal. I find it comforting to eat something which satisfies my tastebuds.

Since I’m into looking back at my very colorful past, I will attempt to associate all guys that I’ve dated to food that first comes to mind.

Guy # 1 : Spaghetti
This guy is so versatile, like spaghetti. You can throw him anywhere, and people will love him. He sings, plays the guitar, plays the piano, artistic, witty, sweet, and smart. Like my love for spaghetti, I don’t get tired of this guy. I can be with him for days and not get bored.

Guy # 2 : Steak
This guy doesn’t fit the profile of someone whom I will go out with. He’s too high maintenance for my taste. I can have steak once in a while, but not all the time.

Guy # 3: Liquid Seasoning (brand: Knorr or Maggi)
This guy is what you would call the life of the party. He is adored by everyone – colleagues, friends and family. He makes all dishes more alive and brings out the best flavors. He is addictive, you can’t help but to have more of him. However, like the liquid seasoning, too much on your food is bad for your health.

Guy # 4 : Pork Asado (Braised Pork with Sweet-Salty Sauce)
This guy is surprisingly sweet, like asado sauce. Looking at him, he looks tough and strong. But deep inside, he’s as sweet as braised pork in asado sauce. But like steak, I can’t have asado on a regular basis.

Guy # 5 : Arroz Caldo (Rice Porridge)
This guy gets me, and I totally get him. We finish each others’ sentences, we like the same things, we are always on the same page. Like arroz caldo, I feel that I know him inside and out. No matter how many kinds of food I’ve tasted, arroz caldo will be the best comfort food for me.

Guy # 6 : Fried Rice
He is yesterday’s best, but is still considered as one of breakfast favorites. But not mine. I can live without fried rice. Not that it doesn’t taste good. Like the cliché goes… it’s not him… it’s me.

Guy # 7 : Boiled Egg
This guy is boring… well at least for me. Like boiled egg, I can live without it. In fact, I will only have boiled egg if there’s no other food around.

Guy # 8 : Chocolate cake
This guy is sooo sweet that I can have him for dessert. He’s actually too sweet like chocolate… it doesn’t leave a bad taste in the mouth. Even the most bitter chocolate is so deliciously sweet.

Guy # 9 : Sashimi
This guy is what you would consider as raw and rough. Having no other spices, the sashimi, although uncooked is one of the most enjoyable and filling food around. What you see is what you get… no frills at all. But he is too raw that I can’t stand to be with him all the time.

Guy # 10 : Kiamoy (Dried Salted Prunes)
I don’t get this guy. Sometimes, he’s sweet. At times, he’s detached. Actually, I am not a fan of kiamoy – the taste is too complicated for me.


Hmmm… Writing about men and food makes me hungry. Got to go… need to raid the fridge.


10:35pm
08 Jan
Santiago City

All New

2007 was a good year. may 2008 be better for all of you.

may your heart be warmer w/ love,
your body be blessed with health,
your spirit be filled with peace,
your lips be full of genuine smile and laughter,
your life be full of contentment.

here's a toast to a better life, good health, prosperous endevours, and lasting love... you deserve it.

happy new year, everyone!


09:25am
01 Jan 2007 (Tuesday)
Santiago City

My New Checklist

More than a year ago, i posted 10 things that i always look for in a guy. Please see the link below:
http://bampira-ako.blogspot.com/2006/05/my-checklist-ideal-guy.html

Now, after some reflection and with my new interests, i'm modifying my list. Here it is:
1. Should be funny and witty
2. Should be honest and faithful
3. Should be smart
4. Should know how to drive
5. Should know how to cook
6. Someone who can swim
7. Someone who can write... really well
8. Should have an interest in photography
9. Knows how to play a musical instrument
10. Must be taller than me

Happy new year everyone! May this coming year be a better one for all of us!


07:25pm
28 Dec
Santiago City