Last night, I watched Grey’s Anatomy. It was their Thanksgiving episode. The lead star, Meredith, talks about being miserable, and not wanting to infect people with her misery. She thus decided to skip the Thanksgiving Dinner that a fellow-medical intern prepared.
Personally, I think that we sometimes need to be miserable and detached from people. It gives a certain emotional breathing ground, where one can be completely and utterly miserable and lonely, thereby making space for raw and pent-up emotions to surface and be recognized.
Lately, I’ve been in this kind of mood. I discovered that I am actually happy being miserable. Being ecstatic about something is scary for me. What happens after the ecstasy? As they say, the higher you fly, the more painful the fall. Why would one want to experience major highs, just to be followed by manic lows? I’d rather be safe in my monotonous and boring life than to be once again shaken by some unwelcome emotion.
Cupids, roses, chocolates, rainbows… that’s not the shape of my heart… for the moment.
2:26 pm
15 November 2006
Wednesday
Penang
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