When Love Arrives

“I knew exactly what love looked like. ..In seventh grade. Even though I hadn’t met love yet, if love had wandered into my home room, I would’ve recognized him at first glance. Love wore a hemp necklace. I would’ve recognized her at first glance. Love wore a tight french braid. Love played acoustic guitar, and knew all my favorite Beatle songs. Love wasn’t afraid to ride the bus with me. And I knew I just must be searching the wrong classrooms, just must be checking the wrong hallways. She was there. I was sure of it. If only I could find him.

But when love finally showed up, she had a bull cut. He wore the same clothes every day for a week. Love hated the bus. Love didn’t know anything about the Beatles. Instead, every time I tried to kiss love, our teeth got in the way. Love became the reason I lied to my parents. “I’m going to.. Ben’s house.” Love had terrible rhythmn on the dance floor, but made sure we never missed a slow song. Love waited by the phone because she knew if her father picked up, it would be ..”Hello? Hello? I guess they hung up.”

And love grew. Stretched like a trampoline. Love changed. Love disappeared. Slowly. Like baby teeth. Losing parts of me I thought I needed. Love vanished like an amateur magician. Everyone could see the trap door but me. Like a flat tire. There were other places I had planned on going, but my plans didn’t matter. Love stayed away for years. And when love finally reappeared, I barely recognized him.

Love smelled different now, had darker eyes, a broader back. Love came with freckles I didn’t recognize. New birth marks, a softer voice. Now there were new sleeping patterns. New favorite books. Love had songs that reminded him of someone else. Songs love didn’t like to listen to. So did I. But we found a park bench that fit us perfectly. We found jokes that make us laugh. And now, love makes me fresh home-made chocolate chip cookies. But love will probably finish most of them for a midnight snack. Love looks great in loungerie, but still likes to wear her retainer. Love is a terrible driver, but a great navigator. Love knows where she’s going, it just might take her two hours longer than she planned. Love is messier now. Not as simple. Love uses the word ‚boobs‘ in front of my parents. Love chews too loud. Love leaves the cap of the toothpaste. Love uses smiley-faces in her text messages. And it turns out, love shits. But love also cries.

And love will tell you you are beautiful. And mean it. Over and over again. You are beautiful when you first wake up. You are beautiful when you’ve just been crying. You are beautiful when you don’t wanna hear it. You are beautiful when you don’t believe it. You are beautiful when nobody else will tell you you are beautiful. Love still thinks.. you are beautiful.

But love is not perfect and will sometimes forget when you need to hear it most. You are beautiful. Do not forget this. Love is not who you were expecting. Love is not what you can predict. Maybe love is in New York City, already asleep. You are in California, Australia, wide awake. Maybe love is always in the wrong time zone. Maybe love is not ready for you. Maybe you are not ready for love. Maybe love just isn’t the marrying type. Maybe the next time you see love is twenty years after the divorce. Love looks older now, but just as beautiful as you remember. Maybe love is only there for a month. Maybe love is there for every firework, every birthday party, every hospital visit.

Maybe love stays. Maybe love can’t. Maybe love shouldn’t. Love arrives exactly when love is supposed to. And love leaves exactly when love must. When love arrives, say “Welcome! Make yourself comfortable!” If love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her. Turn off the music. Listen to the quiet. Whisper “Thank you for stopping by.”

(“When Love Arrives” - A poem by Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdJ6aUB2K4g

signus

Is that the sign that i have been waiting for? #notTheUsual6words

9:40pm

Sunday

November 25

Shoebox

You?

Is it really you? Yes, you!

07 November 2012

9:20pm

Wednesday

Shoebox

Ready

I'm ready! Yes sir, I am!

07:50pm, 27 October 2012, Saturday

Cablelandia

Ready

Olly olly oxen free! Am ready! :)

(6-word blog)

10:07pm, October 08 2012, Monday, My Shoebox

Memories

"The only thing worse than forgetting is remembering the wrong things." - Conrad de Quiros 2:40pm, 01 October, Monday, Changi airport

Moss

And I'm going to say this again... "I want to gather some moss." #6wordBlog 7:20pm, September 23, Sunday, NAIA

Road Trip

I have always travelled since I was small. My earliest childhood memories were those of me and my Lola travelling on a bus from our small rural town to a more progressive town. I don't even remember what we do there, I just know that it will be a long, hot, bumpy and dusty ride -- with people and animals. Yes, we travelled with chicken, pigs and sometimes even goats.

So travelling is not really a problem for me. I like being on the road, in the sea or on air. It gives me a sense of peace, being on transit, being in that state of momentary suspension, a moment of 'in between' and 'in the meantime'.

And I say all of these tonight, when I am about to make yet again another 8 hour bus ride from Cablelandia to Gotham... another one of my genuine me-time.

8:10pm, August 21, Tuesday

Bakit UP?

I was asked this question today... "Bakit UP?" (Why choose the University of the Philippines?).

I can think of so many small things -- the sunflowers during summer, the Ikot jeep, the isaw and fishballs, the sunken garden and lagoon, the gigantic trees at the university avenue, the sablay, the carillon, that patch of greenery beside the UP College of Fine Arts, the shopping center, Chocolate Kiss, CASAA, the stone benches between the AS Pavs, si Oble, the student # which you will never forget for the rest of your life.

I couldn't give one specific response, one singe answer. It's just because... I feel safe there, like it's my refuge.

6:55pm

05 August 2012

Sunday

My Shoebox

Headache

Headache, enough! please let me be!

Night Bus

I am the kind of person who seldom gets bored. In fact, my problem is that there's just so many things that I want to do, like read more books, watch more movies, have longer conversations with friends, sleep longer, visit my nieces more, paint/sketch more, exercise regularly -- but there aren't enough hours in a day. I often find myself trying to squeeze in all these things in the little gaps in my busy daily routine. What I don't usually have time for, is the worry-less, free-spirited, spontaneous time for doing nothing, or pondering about life and the universe. And the only time that I am able to do this is when I'm in a long night bus ride to or from the province. The anonimity and aloneness, coupled with the darkness and the lull from the moving bus somehow gives me comfort and a sense of calm -- an almost tranquil state that I am able to think about things and ponder about the future, or the past... Almost completely forgetting about the present. Such night is tonight. July 9

Never

Never too old to improve habits

June 30

Shoebox

Hot

Ang init init init init talaga!

Sabi ni Daddy...

I grew up always hearing these wise words from my father...  

"Live within your means." and "Live a simple life."  

"One can never be successful without humility."  

"Live an honest life."  

"Always be prepared."  

"When you plant your own garden, you can never go hungry."  

"Don't be dependent." (particularly about learning new things)  

"Take care of your car." and "Always check the brakes, water, fluid, tires, etc."  

"Organize and get rid of the clutter."  

"Practice. Practice. Practice."  

  Thank you, Daddy, for the guidance. Happy father's day! I miss you! 

And then some...

I am not a sinner. Nor I am a saint.

I don't like black. Nor hate white.

I am selfish. I love to share.

I am bold. And I am shy.

I am complex. But I am pure.

I am simple. But I am complicated.

I am not one. Or the other. I am the beginning. And the end. And all points. In between.

I am 32... No, 322 favors. And then some.

Happy birthday to me! And this is my bday song.

10:15pm

21 May 2012

Monday

My Shoebox

Same old, same old?

I have a new job, but somehow, it feels the same. I am still in this same old airport, flying in the same old airline, going to the same city.

But somehow, I feel happier... More free.

Good vibes.

07:20pm

13 May 2012

Sunday

Mother's Day

NAIA Terminal 1

Kapuy

New work.

First week.

Really tired.

Need vacation.

04 May 2012

Friday

09:30pm

My Shoebox, Gotham

Rosas

6 words:

True : a rose is a rose

8:05pm

26 April 2012

Thursday

My Shoebox

Slowly

6 words:

Slowly... the pieces fall into place.


3:10 pm
18 April 2012
Wednesday
Shoebox, Gotham

More

Thanks,  universe. you make me happy.

3:30pm
11 April 2012
Thursday
Bay view Hotel, Manila 

Waiting to exhale

I can't wait to finally exhale.


4:15pm
22 March 2012
Thursday
Chiang Mai

Doors

i closed one door.

three to four were suddenly widely open.

now i don't know which one to enter.

choices. choices.



4:55pm
15 March 2012
Thursday
Lad Prao Soi 1

Universe

6 words:

Stars conspired to make me happy!


10:05pm
08 March 2012
Thursday
Lad Prao

Moss

6-word blog:

Tired of rolling... gotta grow moss.



9:35pm
19 February 2012
Sunday
Cablelandia

Please...

6 word prayer...

"please don't let me be sick."


09 February 2012
Lad Prao Soi 1

Empake

Once again, I am on packing mode. And for a change, I listened to this song while packing my luggage.

Packing never felt more lonely.

I'm never doing this again.


10:50pm
02 Feb, 2012
Thursday
Chiang Ma

Catharsis #6 : Heartbreak

Someone broke my heart two years ago.
Of all the men that I've met, he broke my heart the most.
He left without even saying goodbye.
He left just like that.

But I know that he is fine, wherever he is.
Because I saw him, in my dreams.
He looked happy and well.
He waved at me and smiled.

I am happy too.
But I can't help but shed a tear when I have thoughts of him.
I see him in little things.
I feel him as if he never left.

I know that he loves me still.
Because he left me...
Not because he wanted to.
It's just that he had to.

I guess this is the kind of heartbreak that will never go away.
Never. Ever.
But this is also the heartbreak that I will always welcome.
These are the tears that will never leave my eyes.

Because I will always welcome thoughts of him.
I want to always remember.
I never will forget.
Because he is my father.

I miss you, daddy!


Jan 23, 2012
Daddy's second year death anniversary

Borrowed moves

Just shoot for the stars if it feels right
Then aim for my heart, if you feel like
And take me away
And make it okay


21 January 2012
I love you, sabado
Lad Prao Soi 1

Timba

My bucket list:

1. Learn how to swim
2. Visit Egypt
3. Visit Mt Vesuvius
4. Visit ALL the provinces of the Philippines
5. Sing in a lounge bar
6. Dive
7. Visit Taj Mahal

My bucket list... For now...


5:35pm
13 January 2012, Friday
Cafe Mo
Teacher's Village, QC

2012

New year
New chapters
New pages

Moving on
Forgetting
Forgiving

Sunshines
Fresh
Rainbows

Changes
Endings
Beginnings

Refurbish
Revamp
Rebirth