where is my muse?

i've been trying to write and sketch. but i can't seem to find my groove.

i need my muse!

where is my muse?

B.U.M.

It’s official. I’m a bum. Yes folks (yes, all 5 of you, regular readers), I belong to the statistics – I’m jobless and almost penniless. But the thing is, I’m not very worried… not yet anyway.

I’ve been in the Philippines for 1 week now, but I still haven’t enjoyed being a bum. I still had to do some work for my previous organization. I also had to help my sister with her business.

Being a bum is not easy, I realized. There are actually a lot of things which can occupy your time – flickr (my new addiction), yahoo chat, friendster, inquirer.news.tv, and lots of personal blog sites. Yes, I am a cyber stalker hahaha!

My brain has decided to go on vacation mode. Can’t think of anything to write. Will try in a few days.

I love being a bum!


28 May 2007
Moday
09:40 pm
Santiago City, Isabela

paalam na...

good bye, Penang! :)

Anniversary

Please indulge me, but I’m feeling nostalgic tonight.

I could not believe that I’ve already spent one year of my life here in Penang. I, who never planned to live somewhere outside the Philippines, have survived one whole year in another country. Now, this calls for a celebration!

Penang is not exactly my favorite place, and like I said in my previous entry, it has not grown on me. But still, I feel nostalgic. And I have this uncomfortable feeling in my stomach that I might actually miss this little island.

I’ve already packed my trusty blue luggage. All my important stuff are there, Lewis included. (Lewis is my dust-buster-cum-laptop-cleaner stuffed leopard.) Too bad Tippy went home earlier. He could have made a great traveling buddy for Lewis.

We haven’t told our regular cab driver, Mr. Hanifa, that we are leaving Penang for good. Marjo said that we’ll just do it tomorrow. She says she hates goodbyes. I don’t really hate goodbyes, it just makes me sad.

Destiny has a funny way of remixing things – someone’s past is another’s future. It’s been a quiet (and sometimes monotonous) past for me. I hope the next Pinoy who will be taking over my post will have a better and grander future.

Countdown: 8 days



13 May 2007
Sunday
10:15 pm
Penang

Big Yellow Taxi

“Big yellow taxi.”

On more than a few occasions, I’ve said this phrase to friends.

“Big yellow taxi” – when one friend told me that he misses his ex-girlfriend for 6 years, who he dumped, then he saw holding hands with another guy in Makati after a month.

“Big yellow taxi” – when another friend told me he has difficulty letting go of his long-time fling. That jerk!

“Big yellow taxi” – when a college friend lamented that she sorely misses her grandmother who recently passed away, but who she neglected to visit for the last 4 years.

“Big yellow taxi” – when I, myself have this longing for something or someone who I’ve neglected and brushed aside.

How many times in our lives have we experienced this “sayang” moment. It is indeed excruciating when we know that this thing or person that we dearly want to have cannot be ours anymore.

That is what I call a “big yellow taxi” moment.

Why “big yellow taxi”?

There’s this song entitled Big Yellow Taxi by Counting Crows. The only line I can distinctly remember from this song is “You don’t know what you got, til it’s gone”. It talks about converting paradise into parking lots, and using DDT (pesticides) in your food. This song was incidentally used in the movie 30 Days Notice, starring Sandra Bullock, an activist fighting against the demolition of an old building in their community. Ok, my interpretation of the song may be inaccurate, but interpretations are always subjective hehehe.

Cliché as it may sound, this line is so true! We take things and people for granted, until the time that they decide to leave and move on, deciding not to take things sitting down, and finally stand up for themselves. We push in the backseat things and individuals because we think that they will always be there. But when fate decides to play a trick on us, and makes the wheel turn, our world comes to a halt, or worse, spins the opposite direction.

I would not want to say this to myself one more time. So before I get another “big yellow taxi” moment, I would like to say that I will miss Penang – or at least some things about it.

If you’ve been following my blog entries, you will notice that Penang hasn’t “grown on me”. Unlike Julia Campbell (bless her soul) in her blog entries (www.juliainthephilippines.blogspot.com) about her life as an expat in the Phillipines, I haven’t got too many kind words about Penang. All I wrote about are how trapped I feel here, how my life went on pause, and how I’m longing for my life in the Philippines.

The truth is, the past 2 weeks, I’ve been looking at Penang with fresh and kinder eyes. Now that I know that I’ll be leaving soon, I suddenly realized how beautiful Penang is.

So, I decided to make a list of the things that I will miss about Penang:
1. Mr. Hanifa, our trusted driver and friend. He is our grandfather-cum-driver-cum-tourguide-cum-pimp. (He set me up on a blind date with a Chinese Malaysian!).
2. Popia, the Chinese version of the fresh lumpia. This is made special by Auntie Popia or Grandma Popia (we don’t know her name), who meticulously prepares each piece that we order for ta pao (take out).
3. Penang Bridge, the longest bridge in Asia, which still amazes me until now
4. Bak-kuah, the ultimate pork experience. Sweet and salty, this marinated pork is so tender and tasty, I can eat it every meal!
5. Pretty, charming and grand colonial houses which dot the Georgetown area
6. Cheap call and sms rates – the best in the region, I think.
7. No traffic and pollution – need I say more?
8. Blue skies – I think Malaysian sunsets are always beautiful because of its clear skies.
9. Trees and birds, still plenty in this part of Malaysia.
10. Komtar, that hideous monster of a building, towering over the quaint Georgetown.

I’m sure that when I go back to the Philippines, I can make this list grow tenfold. But for now, this is enough… enough for me not to bang my head in the wall and say “big yellow taxi”.

For my favorite photos of Penang, visit:
http://new.photos.yahoo.com/norlygrace/album/576460762400401286

For the complete lyrics of Big Yellow Taxi:
http://www.digitaldreamdoor.com/pages/lyrics/big_yellow_taxi.html



04 May 2007
Friday
11:01 pm
Penang (re-run of AI is on the local channel. Blake rocked!)