Catharsis 1: Strength

“first, my prayers and condolences... i won't say that i know how it feels how to lose a father. and i know that i cannot do anything to make things easier.but i would like to thank you for sharing your thoughts. i hope that i can be as brave as you are. your piece really touched me. i couldn't stop crying. hugs to you.”

This was my private message to a friend when their family lost their father in mid January. I admired her for her strength – writing how she felt during their time of crisis. I saw a certain kind of fortitude that I wanted to have when the time comes. Never have I thought that only after less than 2 weeks, I would be in their shoes. Thank you for your courage in putting your feelings in paper.

It was somehow easier for me since I was away. The distance has kept me in a bubble, free from the worries back home. I never saw him in the hospital, I never saw him weak, I never saw him close his eyes for the last time, I never saw the medical staff attempt to revive him. My last memory of daddy is that he was still alive, albeit a bit weak, when I kissed him and told him that I was leaving for Manila.

I could not imagine how mommy and sister felt during that critical time. I never dared to ask. I don’t want to know… for now.

Another friend who also lost his father last year, told me about how difficult it was for him to see his father slowly succumbing to his illness. He told me how, being at his bedside, it pained him to see his father look at him, knowing that he has a few moments to live. I know it’s difficult for you to relieve that moment, but I thank you for sharing the pain that you felt. It somehow eased mine.

A lot of friends have shared their own struggles of how it is like to lose someone dear to you. Thank you for making me realize that I, too, will feel better soon.

I would like to thank you…
… for being with me at the airport during the darkest moment in my life
… for being the first faces I saw when I got back to the Philippines
… for taking care of things and informing friends of my father’s passing
… for being with me on the way home
… for sharing your stories and painful moments, remembering your own parent’s demise
… for being there. Thank you for showing up. Your presence was a pleasant surprise
… for giving your support, not just to me, but to my mother, my sister and the whole family
… for the messages, calls, hugs, squeeze in the hands
… for the flowers, food, cards and financial support
… for telling me what to do after this. Your words of advice are very valuable
… for making me laugh
… for sharing your stories about daddy
… for your affirmation that daddy is indeed special
… for your friendship
… for your strength… you inspire me


11:00am
08 February, 2010
Monday
Onboard SilkAir flight
from Phnom Penh to Singapore