Messy Things

I’ve just finished watching the whole season of Men in Trees, a TV series about Marin, a New York based relationship coach who went to Elmo, Alaska after breaking up with her philandering fiancé.

Marin is someone in everyone of us. Watching each episode, I felt my words coming out of her mouth, saying what I exactly felt (and would have wanted to say) in a few occasions.

Marin is a writer. And she went to Elmo to write her 3rd book, Men in Trees, which is of course, about men.

Her publisher (a cute commitment-phobic) told her that her first chapter was a good read. But her second chapter was not up to par. In fact, it sounded so safe, like a travelogue. He advised her to be open to her emotions and write about the ‘messy stuff’.

There’s truth to the publisher’s advice. My best pieces (well at least for me), were those that talked about the mess that I’m feeling, or that I went through.

So here I am attempting to write about my ‘messy stuff’. But after a few attempts, I realized that I’ve no more messy stuff. Or at least I’ve done my spring cleaning and put all the mess in a trash bag or in an archive box. Or maybe, I’ve compartmentalized my life such that my mess happens and stays in the Philippines. As soon as the Philippine immigration officer stamps my passport, my mess gets a stamp of denial, leaving it no other choice but to stay in the Philippines, and wait for my return.

Penang has that effect on me. I’ve always told my friends that Penang is my “bubble wrap”. You know those plastic stuff used to cover fragile equipments and ceramics, with air-filled plastic bubbles that we can’t help but pop when we were kids (ok, until now I still do that)? Those are bubble wraps. Penang wraps me and my life such that nothing and no one can bother me at the moment. Distance works for me and my mess. They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder. Not true, well at least not for me and my mess.

I think being away from the Philippines gave me this illusion that my mess can be kept at bay and be temporarily forgotten. Being in Penang, my life goes on slow-motion, and sometimes, totally goes “on pause”. It’s as if I’m living my life on a different plane, totally separate and detached from my messy and complicated life in the Philippines.

I not sure though if this works for me. In 2 months, I’m going back to the Philippines for good. And for sure, my mess will glare at me, straight in the face. As a good friend told me, “It will not go away. When you go back home, it will still be there.” I hope he’s wrong. I hope my “mess” has decided to abandon me.


04 March 2007
Sunday
11:46 am
Penang